Ninjas (flavor text)

If you're looking for the main page for this event, see Ninjas.

Event Text

Ninjas
You stand in front of a sacred Ninja Temple! Only if it's snowing: The landscape is beautifully covered in snow. Only if there's a mining opportunity: In the distance you see some stony mountains. Do you wish to enter? [Yes][No] [Go to the nearby pond.]

A Balaclava
You find a Balaclava in a dark corner of the temple! You put it in your bag. It might come in handy. [Continue]

A Bo
You find a Bo in a dark corner of the temple! You love how smooth the wood feels in your hands. You spin around and smack the air. You are nimble as fuck! This thing is coming with you! [Continue]

A Katana
You find a Katana in a dark corner of the temple! You're a flippin' ninja now! Taste-ah mah blade! HAI! [Continue]

A Sword
You find a Sword in a dark corner of the temple! You put it in your bag. It might come in handy. [Continue]

A Tetsubo
You find a Tetsubo in a dark corner of the temple! This thing is absolutely massive! DAMN, that's heavy! You take it with you though! Because this is one hell of a badass weapon! [Continue]

Agility
You learn some new techniques from the ninjas. You're more agile and gain 1 Speed. [Continue]

Chi
A ninja master teaches you how to channel your chi. You feel more focused and gain 1 Speed! [Continue]

Cup Of Tea
You walk through the empty temple and all you see is a very low table with a Cup Of Tea on it. Hmmm, you suppose nobody will miss this. It's just a cup of tea after all. You take it with you! [Continue]

Dark Blade Of Fire
A ninja called Dark Blade Of Fire stole your X! [ItemImage] Damn, he's fast! [Continue] P.S. The linked video was made by TVsKyle, who rocks.

Dodge Bullets
A ninja master teaches you how to dodge bullets! Hopefully you won't forget it... [Continue]

Finja
You walk into a training room and encounter... a Finja! This skilled fish warrior channels the spirit of the great Catatafish. Take one of his fish and he will bestow the blessing of the great Catatafish! 3FishItemButtons [Decline the offer]

Blessing Of Catatafish
You gracefully accept the Finja's offer. FishItemImage You receive the X and feel the Blessing Of Catatafish flow through you like a salmon swimming up a mighty stream. In your hands even the smallest fish can be a great weapon! [Sushi time!]

Fishy Refusal
You refuse the Finja's kind offer. Why? We may never know... [Continue]

Lucky Cricket
You walk through the empty temple when you hear a chirping sound. On a shelf you notice a tiny cage with a sad little Cricket. Poor little fellow! He seems so lonely... Ninjas be damned, you're taking this lucky fellow with you! Come on, little buddy! [Continue]

Ninja Hirelings
You encounters a group of Ninja Hirelings! For as little as 5 Rupees you can hire one of them. The Spy can steal a chosen item from another player. The Assassin can kill another player. The Bodyguard can protect you from being killed for 5 turns. [I don't need a hireling]

Upon hiring the Ninja Spy:

You're Hired!
You hire the Ninja Spy! He doesn't really talk, but you understand from his skillful gestures that he wants you to pick a target. <PlayerNames> [Choose]

I Spy With My Little Eye
Your hired ninja spy takes a peek into <PlayerName>'s inventory... <4 Item Images> What do you want to steal? [Nothing]

Spy 'n Swipe
Your hired ninja spy sneakily steals <PlayerName>'s <ItemName>! <ItemImage> Yessssss! Money well spent! <3 [Continue]

Stealing Is Bad
You decide not to steal anything, because stealing is bad. Good for you! [Continue]

Stealing Your Own Shit
You order your hired ninja spy to inspect... your own inventory? Come again? Well, errrr... okay? Your spy inspects your inventory and steals everything for you. You're now the proud owner of your own items! What a glorious day! [Continue]

Upon hiring the Ninja Assassin:

You're Hired!
You hire the Ninja Assassin! You personally think 5 Rupees was very cheap, but the assassin assures you he makes a killing for a living! Anyway, who'd you like to kill? <PlayerNames> [Choose]

Like A Ninja
You order your hired ninja assassin to kill <PlayerName>! The assassin sneaks up on him. You hold your breath. This is so exciting! You don't actually see anything, but suddenly your assassin is standing next to you again. Did he... decide not to go through with it? Then you notice how <PlayerName> falls down, sliced in half! Yikes! Let's remember to never piss these ninjas off... [Continue]

Auto-Assassination
You order your hired ninja assassin to kill... yourself? Well, errrr... okay? The assassin shrugs, takes out his sharpest blades and slits your throat! You sure as hell get what you paid for! Did you see those Kill Bill movies? If you haven't, go see them! Your blood is shooting out in all directions. Quentin Tarantino would be proud. But yeah. Good times, good times. Let's move on. [Continue]

Upon hiring the Ninja Bodyguard:

You're Hired!
You hire the Ninja Bodyguard! For the next 5 turns, he'll block up to 2 kills for you. Only kills though, not regular deaths. He doesn't really care about those. And as cherry on the cake he'll also incapacitate the killer for you! What a guy! [Continue]

We Don't Hire
You're not in the mood to hire anyone. Not in the current economic climate at least. [Continue]

Ninja Turtles
You enter a room inside the temple and encounter... ninja turtles. Not really teenage or mutant, but definitely ninja turtles! The little guys seem to be doing little more than eat Pizza all day, which they're more than happy to share with you. These are cool dudes! [TURTLE POWER!]

Nunja
You walk into a training room and encounter... a Nunja! She's devout, she's serene, she's pledged her life to Jesus and she can kick, your, ASS! Speaking of which, she's looking for a heathen ass to kick. Got any targets? <PlayerNames> [Choose] [Decline the offer]

Upon choosing another player:

Spinning Christ Kick
You nod at the ninja and point at PlayerName. Get that heathen! The Nunja leaps towards him and performs her trademark Spinning Christ Kick, incapacitating him on the spot. Praise the LORD! The Nunja gives you a warm smile and gives you directions to a nearby Church. How friendly of her! [Continue]

Upon choosing yourself:

Spinning Christ Kick
You nod at the ninja and point at... yourself? Well, okay I guess... The Nunja leaps towards you and performs her trademark Spinning Christ Kick, incapacitating you on the spot. Lights out, buddy! [Continue]

No Need, Nunja!
You refuse the Nunja's kind offer. Why? We may never know... [Continue]

Szechuan Sauce
You walk through the empty temple notice a very low table with a cup of Szechuan Sauce on it. It seems like the ninjas have been eating McNuggets! And they've been watching Disney's Mulan on Blu-ray! You take some of that awesome Mulan McNugget Sauce with you! Because you don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! [Continue]

The Art Of War

You walk through the temple and notice a pedestal with a big red book. It's Sun Tzu's famous book The Art Of War! "Wheels of justice grind slow but grind fine." / "Even the finest sword plunged into salt water will eventually rust." / "Victory comes from finding opportunities in problems." / "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." Let's steal it in the name of education! [Continue]

What The...
Some dark shades move past you at an incredible speed! You feel a sting and wake up 12 spaces back. [Continue]

Whoops!
You walk into the temple and need to poop. You try to go to the toilet, but accidentally end up pooping on a sacred ninja relic. Shit happens. The ninjas grab you, pour some Poison into your mouth and throw you out of the temple. [Continue]

Whoops!
You walk into the temple and notice a pile of filthy ninja clothes. You're in a good mood and decide to wash them. Unfortunately you used brand X and all the ninja clothes come out of the machine completely grey. Uh oh... The ninjas grab you, pour some Poison into your mouth and throw you out of the temple. [Continue]

The Asian Pond

You walk up to the pond close to the Ninja Temple. It's a place of beauty and serenity. You decide it'll be good to relax here for a while. Ahhhhh... life is good. Lucky-triggered: When you wake up from your nap, you notice a beautiful flower growing near the pond's water: a Black Lotus! You pick it, because it's very powerful! [Continue] Fill your Bucket: Use your Pet Bear to fish: Use your Fishing Pole: