Karma Events (flavor text)

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If you're looking for the main page for these events, see Karma Events.

Cow Event Text[edit | edit source]

0 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Calf In The Fields
You are a little calf, running happily over the grasslands.


What do you want to do?
[Drink milk]
[Eat grass]
[Jump over the electric fence!]

Drink Milk
You walk to your mother and drink some milk... Hmmm, you feel yourself growing stronger with every sip. Moolicious!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Eat Grass
You eat some grass, but feel kinda sick afterwards... Seems like your stomach can't handle grass yet.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Jump Over The Fence!
You run towards the electic fence and take a giant leap! Well, did I say giant? Maybe for a calf, but it was a rather pathetic from a general point of view.


The farmer quickly arrives and pulls you out. Maybe trying to escape wasn't such a smart idea...
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Jump Over The Fence!
You run towards the electic fence and take a giant leap! Well, did I say giant? Maybe for a calf, but it was a rather pathetic from a general point of view.


You die after a couple of agonizing hours of painful shocks and panic.
[Continue]

Calf In The Barn
You are a little calf, warm and cozy in the barn.


What do you want to do?
[Annoy a bull]
[Drink milk]
[Jump in the watertub!]

Annoy A Bull
You walk up to the biggest bull in the barn and bite his tail! That'll show the asshole who's boss! He moos loudly and chases you back to the other side of the barn.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Drink Milk
You walk to your mother and drink some milk... Hmmm, you feel yourself growing stronger with every sip. Moolicious!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Jump In The Tub
You jump into the watertub!
You feel the cold water rushing around you, but then you slip and land on your back!


Suddenly you gulp water instead of air, and deep inside you know you are going to drown...

After a few moments it's over, and you're dead... again...
[Continue]

Jump In The Tub
You jump into the watertub!
You feel the cold water rushing around you, but then you slip and land on your back!


Suddenly you gulp water instead of air, and deep inside you know you are going to drown...

Strong hands suddenly grab you and put you back on the hay-covered ground. Maybe taking a bath wasn't such a smart idea...
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

1 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Storm
You weren't such a smart calf, but now you have become a real cow. A storm is forming in the clouds, maybe even a thunderstorm.


What do you do?
[Hide under a tree]
[Lie down in the grass]
[Hide in the barn]
[Jump over the electric fence]

Hide Under A Tree
You walk towards the lonely tree in the meadow, and wait till the storm is over...


Suddenly lightning flashes and you hear an enormous bang! The tree falls over but misses you by an inch! Lucky you...

[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Hide Under A Tree
You walk towards the lonely tree in the meadow, and wait till the storm is over...


Suddenly lightning flashes and you hear an enormous bang! The tree falls over and crushes you like minced meat. You die.
[Continue]

Lie Down
You lie down in the grass and wait till the worst is over.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Hide In The Barn
You walk into the warm barn to hide from the worst of the storm...


After a few hours the sky clears and you walk back outside.
[Continue]

You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Jump Over The Fence!
You run towards the electic fence and try to take a giant leap!
Even though you are a big cow now, the leap isn't big enough and you get caught in the wires...


The farmer quickly arrives and pulls you out. Maybe trying to escape wasn't such a smart idea...
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Jump Over The Fence!
You run towards the electric fence and try to take a giant leap!
Even though you are a big cow now, the leap isn't big enough and you get caught in the wires...


You die while the storm rages after a few agonizing hours of pain and panic.
[Continue]

Spilt Milk
While the farmer is milking you, he accidentally kicks over the bucket of milk. He curses and wants to go on.


What do you do?
[Kick the farmer!]
[Moo]
[Ruminate]

Kick The Farmer
When the farmer wants to start milking again, you kick him on the floor. Bad cow!
When he gets up again, he beats you with a wooden stick.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Moo
You moo loudly to show your displeasure. However, it's no use mooing over spilt milk...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Ruminate
You ruminate some grass you ate earlier. Hmmm, life is good.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

2 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Market
You're an older cow now, and your farmer has taken you to the market to try to sell you.


What do you do?
[Ruminate]
[Pretend you are sick]
[Try to escape]

Ruminate
You ruminate some grass you ate earlier and wait till you're sold to a new owner. Hmmm, life is good.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Sick Cow
When a potential buyer comes over to take a look at you, you moo quietly and move restlessly to and fro. Then, as your final act, you barf all over the guy's boots. He doesn't seem interested anymore, and the farmer takes you back home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Try To Escape
When the farmer takes his eyes off you, you make a run for it. You walk a long way before you feel very, very tired.
A young farmhand suddenly appears and he puts a rope around your neck. When you meet the farmer again, he beats you with a stick and takes you back home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Train (India)
You're an older cow now, find yourself on a train track in India, with a train coming towards you in the distance.


What do you do?
[Stay on the track]
[Move out of the way]
[Run towards the train]

Stay On The Track (India)
You lie still and take a short nap. The train driver makes an emergency stop to prevent crashing into you, because you're a sacred animal. After an hour or so you feel rested and move on. The train resumes his journey.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Move Away (India)
You get up and move away. The train rides past you and you find another spot to take a nap... The people on the train shrug. Why would a sacred cow interrupt his sacred nap?
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Run Towards The Train (India)
When you see the train in the distance, some flash of madness drives you to run towards it.


The train is unable to stop in time and crushes into you. You're blown to pieces. You die.
[Continue]

Train
You're an older cow now and you find yourself on a train track with a train coming towards you in the distance.


What do you do?
[Stay on the track]
[Move out of the way]
[Run towards the train]

Stay On The Track
You lie still and take a short nap. The train driver makes an emergency stop to prevent crashing into you. He gets out of the train and beats you with a stick until you move away.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Move Away
You get up and move away. The train rushes past you. Seems this was a good choice.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Run Towards The Train
When you see the train in the distance, some flash of madness drives you to run towards it.


The train is unable to stop in time, and crashes into you. You're blown you to pieces. You die.
[Continue]

3 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

On The Truck
You are inside the truck towards the slaughterhouse. What do you do?
[Ruminate]
[Try to escape]
Ruminate
You ruminate some grass you ate earlier and wait till the truck arrives at the slaughterhouse. No need to worry about anything.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Try To Escape
You try to escape but the truck is sealed tight. The other cows seem annoyed by your activity and all you achieve is a few dents in the walls. In the end you just wait till the truck arrives at the slaughterhouse.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Human Reincarnation[edit | edit source]

Reincarnate
They put a metal pin through your brains in the slaughterhouse and you die.


The good news?
You reincarnate as a human!

[Continue]

Dead[edit | edit source]

Dead
You seem to have died and your cow body is processed in a slaughterhouse.


[Continue]

Dog Event Text[edit | edit source]

0 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Puppy
You are a cute little puppy and one day a little girl comes to take a look at you.


What do you do?
[Use puppy eyes]
[Piss]
[Bark]
[Vomit]

Puppy Eyes
You use your best puppy eyes and look at the little girl. She adores you and says: 'Awww, can I have this one pleeeeeease?'. Her parents look at each other and then also fall for your cute puppy charms.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Piss
You piss all over the little girl and she is not amused. She picks another puppy and takes him home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Bark
You bark at the little girl and she gets scared. She picks another puppy and takes him home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Vomit
You vomit all over the little girl and she cries loudly. When the mess is cleaned up she picks another puppy and takes him home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Puppy
You are a cute little puppy, and you have a lot of little brother and sister puppies. You feel hungry and want to drink milk, but all your mother's nipples are taken.


What do you do?
[Wait till one is free]
[Push one of your siblings away]
[Squeal]
[Nag mother]

Wait For a Nipple
You wait for a nipple to become available, but after a while your mother gets up and takes a short walk. You go to sleep feeling kinda hungry...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Take The Nipple
You push away your weakest sibling and start drinking milk. Success!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Squeal
You squeal in frustration, and your owner notices you. He feeds you some milk out of a bottle. Yummy! You go to sleep feeling satisfied.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Nag Mother
You nag your mother, but she gives you a lick and goes to sleep. You also go to sleep, but you feel kinda hungry...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

1 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Animal Shelter
You ended up in an animal shelter. On a sunny morning a little boy comes to take a look at you. What do you?
[Bark!]


[Mount him]
[Use puppy eyes]
[Bite]

Bark
You bark loudly. The little kid is impressed but also a little scared. He walks on and picks another dog.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Mount
You try to mount the little boy. Prison love, kiddo! A caretaker quickly pushes you away and puts you back in the cage. The boy walks away and picks another dog.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Puppy Eyes
You use your puppy eyes and look adorable. The boy likes you and pets you. You nudge him gently and feel good. He picks you and his parents take you home.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Bite
You bite the little kid as soon as he is within your range. He cries and the caretakers put you back in your cage.


After a few weeks the doctor comes and he puts you to sleep. You never wake up again.
[Continue]

Stray Dog
You've become a stray dog and roam the streets at night, looking for food. You come across a funny looking wrapper/bag with old hamburgers. What do you do?
[Eat it]
[Walk on]
Eat It
You eat the hamburgers and feel a lot stronger. A few weeks later some animal caretakers pick you up and take you with them.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Eat It
You ate chocolate! After a few hours, you feel really sick. You walk into an alley and take a nap, but never wake up again...
[Continue]
Walk On
After hours and hours of walking you feel too tired to go on. You take a nap in an alley, but never wake up again...
[Continue]
Walk On
You walk on and find some other food in a dumpster. You feel a lot stronger, and a few weeks later some animal caretakers pick you up and take you with them.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

2 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Frisbee In The Park
You are running in the park and a frisbee is thrown!


What do you do?
[Ignore the frisbee]
[Catch the frisbee and bring it back]
[Catch the frisbee and tear it to pieces]

Ignore
You ignore the frisbee and just keep running. Hmmm, what a weird dog you are...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Catch
You catch the frisbee and bring it back to your owner! He is very pleased with you and pets you.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Destroy The Frisbee
You catch the frisbee and tear it to pieces. Your owner shouts at you in frustration, puts you back on the leash and takes you home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Squirrel
You're in a forest and you see a squirrel!


What do you do?
[Bark!]
[Ignore it]
[Climb in the tree]
[Run away]

Bark
You bark loudly at the squirrel. The squirrel is scared and quickly disappears in the leaves. You are very pleased with yourself. Stupid squirrel.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Ignore
You ignore the squirrel and walk on. Your owner thinks you are becoming a bit blind.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Climb The Tree
You try to climb in the tree to catch the squirrel, but it fails miserably. Your owner puts you back on the leash and takes you along.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Run Away
You are a very rare kind of dog, one that is afraid of squirrels! You run away and your owner runs after you shouting for you to come back. After a few minutes he catches up to you, and puts you back on the leash.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Hot Dog
You're a guide dog for a blind woman and you're at a traffic crossing. Suddenly you notice the hot dog stand on the other side of the street.


What do you do?
[Run towards it!]
[Ignore]
[Bark in frustration]

Hot Dawgs
You run across the street and get hit by a car. You die several minutes later.
[Continue]
Hot Dawgs
You run across the street and narrowly avoid getting hit by a car! The hot dog stand owner grabs you by the neck and the blind woman puts you back on the leash. She's not pleased with you and takes you home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Ignore
You ignore the hot dog stand and wait till the road is clear. You cross safely and the blind woman buys you a hot dog! Yummy!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Bark
You bark in frustration and the blind woman is not pleased with you.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Dogs In The Park
You are running in the park and you see another dog!


What do you do?
[Run away]
[Bark]
[Sniff butt]
[Growl and bite]

Run Away
You're a scared little dog and run away from the other dog. Your owner is not happy and runs after you to put you back on the leash.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Bark
You bark at the other dog. He is not impressed and barks back. Your owner comes and takes you back home.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Sniff Butt
You sniff the other dog's butt. It smells okay. You're very glad you smelled it.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Growl And Bite
You growl at the other dog and try to bite him! Your owner quickly grabs you and puts you back on the leash. He is very unhappy with you.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

3 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Firetruck
Your owner is taking you for a walk when suddenly you see a firetruck with its sirens on!


What do you do?
[Run after it!]
[Bark]
[Ignore]

Firetruck
You yank yourself free from the leash and run after the firetruck. Your owner runs after you yelling for you to stop. After a few blocks you come to your senses and your owner puts you back on the leash. You feel kinda good about yourself though.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Bark
You bark loudly at the firetruck, and your owner is not pleased. You feel kinda good though.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Ignore
You ignore the firetruck, but feel kinda frustrated because you wanted to chase it.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Human Reincarnation[edit | edit source]

Reincarnate
You get run over by a firetruck while you tried to catch it and you die./You die happily as a really old dog.


You reincarnate as a human!
[Continue]

Dead[edit | edit source]

Dead
You seem to have died and your dog body is buried.


[Continue]

Pigeon Event Text[edit | edit source]

0 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Freshly Hatched
You have just hatched and you're hungry! It would seem that your daddy has barfed some corn all over your little brother. He's covered in pigeon vomit. Damn, your father can be so radical sometimes! What to do, what to do...
[Eat it! Eat it all!]
[No. No way.]
Eat It!
You dig in and eat all the regurgitated corn from your brother's body. Damn, that's some nice vomit! Your dad is an awesome cook! Actually, he is a... coo cook! Haha, no, that was terrible. Anyway, you feel a lot stronger now!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Ewwww, No Thanks
You're not gonna eat barf from your brother's body. That's disgusting! Your other siblings seem to think otherwise and eat it all. Dang, you feel kind of weak and hungry now...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Egg
So, you're inside your egg and you're totally bored with it! Gah, it's been 7-20(?) days already! Let's get a move on already!
[Hatch!]
[Stay inside...]
Early Bird... Dies
Wooh! You're free from that horrible prison! Then again, it was warm and cozy inside. Man, it's cold out here. Dang, you're tiny, slimy and underdeveloped...


You slowly die... so young...
[Continue]

Hatch Time
You hatch like you've never hatched before! Wooh, the warm Spring sun feels good on your body! And, awww yeah, there's daddy! He regurgitates a splatter of corn dribble! Fuck yeah, your favorite! Hatching was totally the awesome thing to do!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Grow, Little Bird
Then again, you feel a little underdeveloped and weak. You should take the time to sleep and grow. Hmmmm, sleeping ain't too bad...
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Let's Sleep In
Then again, you feel like taking a little nap. Just a few more days. Yawn...


A few days later you hatch, almost starved to death. Your brothers and sisters hatched days ago and have outgrown you. Damn...
[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

1 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

A Puddy Tat?
You're a pretty lousy pigeon and you're hungry. You've managed to get stuck inside some kind of shed, but at least there seems to be food in here! What to do, what to do?


[Eat old, half-eaten muffin]
[Eat furry black stuff]
[Eat contents of container with human skull]

Muffin
Of course you eat the muffin. Why would you even consider the other options. You may be a bird, but you're not crazy! Coo! Coo!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

A Puddy Tat
You bite the black, furry thing. Nom nom. It seems to be a cat. Nom nom. A cat? Don't cats generally eat pigeons? Nom... Oh yeah!


The cat is furious and chases you around for a good 20 minutes. You're lucky it was a fat, slow cat! You feel exhausted and leave the shed.
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Poison
Really? You want to eat the stuff that's inside the container with the human skull icon on it? Be my guest! You eat some of the purple stuff inside the container and instantly feel sick. You black out a few moments later...


Yeah, that was stupid.
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Seeds
You're a stinky pigeon and you're hungry. Luckily you see a lady throwing seeds on the ground. Instantly hundreds of pigeons fly towards them. This is your cue! What do you do?


[MY SEEDS! Fly mindlessly towards them!]
[Wait your turn...]
[Attack the other pigeons]
[Poop on the lady's head]

MY SEEDS!
You mindlessly flap towards the seeds and eat as much as you can, pushing all the other pigeons away and ignoring everything that's going on. Fuck yeah, that's what being a pigeon is all about! You end up eating a good amount of seeds and have earned the respect of the other pigeons. Excellent!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Wait
You politely wait for your turn. Of course, this is completely retarded. No one is waiting for their freaking turn! All the other pigeons eat the delicious seeds and you remain hungry. The other pigeons mock you as they pass you by...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Attaaaack!
You attack the swarm of pigeons! You peck one in his face and claw another one's back. You perform all your best attack moves! You end up seriously hurting some pigeons, but don't get to eat any seeds. Instead, you're exhausted... That was not a very smart move...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Poop Time!
You don't care that this lady is sharing food with your kind. Humans should be pooped on! You fly over her and poop right in the old lady's face! Awww yeah, that was some good poopin'! The old lady stumbles and falls over. The bag of seeds falls on the ground and reveals a big pile of seeds. You quickly eat as much as you can! Awww yeah! Of course pooping was the best move!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

2 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

City Pigeon
You have matured into a City Pigeon. You fly around Paris and feel the sudden urge to poop. Excellent! Now all you need is a proper target. What is it going to be?
[A little girl]


[A man in a business suit.]
[A half-eaten muffin.]
[A guy running a hotdog stand.]
[Do not poop.]

Hello, Little Girl
Yes! That little girl will do just fine! She may be small, but she's a slow-moving target. You can do this! You swoop down from the sky and drop poop right on her face. The girl looks startled for a moment and then starts crying, causing the poop to run into her mouth.


Wow, that was a priceless poop! Well done!
[Continue]

You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Doing Your Business
You spot a man looking fine and dandy! You're guessing his business suit must've cost a fortune and it's probably brand spanking new as well! You charge up your lower pigeon intestines! Oof, you should not have eaten that burrito yesterday. Who are you kidding? It was an awesome burrito! You splurch out an above average amount of pigeon goo over the front of the man's jacket!


Another day ruined! Well done!
[Continue]

You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Stuffin' The Muffin
You bombard the half-eaten muffin with your pigeon shit and laugh over its misery. It takes you a full 10 seconds to realise that muffins are generally not alive, and actually very tasty. You've just ruined a perfectly good meal and wasted an opportunity to poop on a human. Damn...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Secret Sauce
YES! Hot dog stand man, you are going to pay! Not sure for what, but a pigeon doesn't really need a reason to poop on humans! You swoop down from the sky and manage to fly straight over a fresh batch of hotdogs, covering them all in one big, white shit! This happened in plain sight of a queue of costumers, who quickly turn away.


Hahaha! Fuck you, hotdog stand man!
[Continue]

You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

No Poop For You!
You decide not to poop.


...wait! You decide NOT to poop?! What kind of nonsense is that? You are a disgrace and the other pigeons frown as you fly by. You should be ashamed!
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Forest Pigeon
You have matured into a Forest Pigeon. It's mating season and you're looking for a mate. Apparently you're a heterosexual, male pigeon. Do not question the game!


You encounter a sexy piece of feathery ass! Coo la la! What do you do?
[Vomit]
[Puff feathers!]
[Bob head!]
[Fly around!]

Baby, You Make Me Vomit
You know what? Being a pigeon is not an excuse for throwing up in front of a lady. She does not seem impressed by your sudden inability to keep your food down and ignores you completely. Meh...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Puff Daddy
You puff your feathers and suddenly look huge. It's like you're trying to say 'Damn, baby! Look at me! Just look at my neck! I AM THE MAN!'


Damn straight you are! She turns around and lets you have your way with her. Awww yeah! You do pigeon stuff and you frickin' love every second of it! Of course it only lasts 6 seconds, but hot damn, that bitch was nasty! Wooh!
[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

They See Me Bobbin'
You bob your head like there's something wrong with you. Your lady, however, seems intrigued! Such bobbing... what a gentleman you must be! She falls for your awesome charms and gives up her virginity for you, the sexy stranger. Yeah baby! You got some hot pigeon tail!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Look At Me Fly
You fly around and coo a bit. You totally expected this to draw her attention, but you notice a big brown pigeon landing next to her. He bobs his head and puffs his feathers. Damn! His moves are too sexy! You watch your beloved give herself up for the big brown stranger from high up in the sky. Damn...
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

3 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

A Car
You're sitting on the road, trying to eat some bread you found. A car is approaching. What do you do?
[FLY AWAY!]
[Wait for the last moment to fly away.]
[Don't fly away.]
Fly Away
You fly away. The car crushes your food, making it unedible, even for a flying rat like yourself. Awww damn... you should've paid attention on pigeon school. Pigeons ALWAYS wait for the last moment to fly away.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Wait For It!
You eat while the car approaches. You wait, you wait... and right before the car hits you, you fly away. This pisses off the driver immensely, because he was already slowing down and trying to make an evasive movement. Well done, you've pissed off a human!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Stand Your Ground
Hah, what does that car think he is? Well, probably he doesn't think, because it is a car. But if it could think, it'd probably be thinking something along the lines of: 'I am going to crush that bird.'


Maybe not flying away was a bad choice, seeing as you just got runover by a car. Man, what a bummer. Who could've seen that coming, right?
[Continue]

Food
You are feeling feeble and look around the street for food. What will you eat?
[Dirt]
[Old McNuggets]
[An angry German Shepherd]
[Nothing]
Dirt
You... you chose dirt. I can't fucking believe this. You are... a horrible pigeon. I bloody hope you NEVER reincarnate as a pigeon again. My word...


What? Oh, right. Yes, you eat the dirt. Well done. Want a freakin' medal? Just move along already!
[Continue]

You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

McNuggets
Good. You chose the McNuggets. I do hope it wasn't too hard a choice! Well done, by the way. You eat the McNuggets and instantly feel a bit better. Man, birds are delicious!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Angry German Shepherd
You... I... I have no words. You are a pigeon. A... Never mind. You are... the WORST pigeon in the history of fucking everything ever! Pigeons do NOT eat ANGRY. GERMAN. SHEPHERDS. Fuck my life. You know what? You just die. You try to eat it and the angry german shepherd just eats you. Well done. Really.


Get the fuck out of here!
[Continue]

Nothing
You eat nothing. Ok. That's... you know what? I'm gonna tell it straight. That was the bad choice. You did bad. Move along.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Human Reincarnation[edit | edit source]

Reincarnate
You become an old pigeon. One day you just didn't see that puddy tat coming...


MEOW!
You reincarnate as a human!

[Continue]

Dead[edit | edit source]

Dead
You seem to have died and your pidgeon carcass is dragged off by a rat.


[Continue]

Spotted Hyena Event Text[edit | edit source]

0 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Uncle Gnarly
You're a young pup and it would seem you don't have brothers or sisters. Luckily you have an uncle! There's uncle Gnarly now! What do you do?
[Attack!]
[Be submissive]
[Run to find your mother]
Attack!
You run up to uncle Gnarly and bite his legs! He kills you on the spot. It would seem that uncle Gnarly wasn't a very friendly uncle after all. Damn...
[Continue]
Submissive Behavior
You make yourself small and whine pathetically, being as submissive as you can. Uncle Gnarly seems unsure what to do for a while. Eventually he smiles and walks up to you. Your mother, having heard your whining, shows up just in time to save you from your uncle's deadly teeth. Your mother bites uncle Gnarly severely and forces him to leave with deep wounds. Damn, uncles are assholes!


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Mommy!
You immediately run off for your mother. She's the only one who can protect you from evil hyenas like uncle Gnarly. You'd better stay close to her until you're ready to dominate the other hyenas!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Brotherly/Sisterly Love
You are a young hyena pup, born with your eyes open and nice sharp teeth! You look around you and notice your brother/sister. What do you do?
[Kill the wanker/little bitch!]
[Give him a brotherly/sisterly hug]
[Go to sleep]
Brotherly Murder
Look at that smug bastard/little bitch, always being happy and nice! You wait for mother to leave the den and walk up to your sleeping brother/sister. 'See you in hell, wanker/bitch!'


When mother returns to the den, she finds you covered in your brother's/sister's blood. She gives you a proud smile and lies down to give you milk. A victory meal to celebrate your first kill!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Free Hugs!
You walk up to your brother/sister and hug him intensely. You even throw in a few brotherly/sisterly licks and a smile. The other hyenas, and especially your brother/sister, look at you funny. At the very least they seem less in the mood to kill you than before, but you certainly didn't impress anyone...


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Et Tu, Brother/Sister?
You cuddle up against your brother/sister and fall asleep. You're suddenly woken up by a set of teeth penetrating your throat. Your brother/sister has twice the guts you've ever had and has attacked you when you're weak. You manage to shake him off, but you're wounded... Damn, you should've struck when you had the chance!


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

1 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Hungry
You're hungry... what do you do?
[Eat from a cadaver you found]
[Collect a hunting party to hunt wildebeest]
[Kill a sunbathing crocodile]
Tasty
You enjoy the cadaver. There was still quite a bit of meat on it and luckily you were the only one who was near. Om nom nom!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

You've Been Spotted!
You start eating the cadaver, but are soon spotted by a lion. You have to move out of his way and wait your turn. Unfortunately, there isn't much meat left when he's done with it. You're still hungry...


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Hunting Party
You gather a hunting party and set out together. You approach a herd of wildebeest and surround it. You all charge in, causing the wildebeest to scatter. You can easily pick off a young wildebeest and your entire party eats well! Not only do you eat well, but you've also gained the respect of your peers!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

See You Later!
You attack the sunbathing crocodile. Unfortunately, the crocodile is quite nimble and quickly bites you and drags you into the water. See you later, alli... erm... spotted hyena!


In retrospect, this was a pretty silly choice.
[Continue]

Wandering Male
You have left your clan and now wander the planes alone. What do you do?
[Hunt]
[Enter a new clan's domain]
[Go piss off some lions]
Hunt
You hunt for a while and spot a zebra in the valley below. You decide to take a risk and jump on the zebra's back! Wooohooo! Settle down, lady! Let me tame you!


After a wild ride of over 10 minutes you manage to kill the zebra. Pity... that zebra was a pretty dope ride! The zebra seems to have crashed in another hyena clan's territory and you present the clan with your kill. You are immediately accepted! Glorious!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

A New Clan
You wander into another clan's domain and try to be present at this new clan's kills. The female hyenas seem to be intrigued by your presence and you're slowly being accepted into the clan.


The safety of the clan greatly increases your chances of survival!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Fuck You, Lions!
Really? Pissing off lions is your top priority right now? Well, here goes...


You notice a particularly fat male lion taking a sunbath on a rock. His scrotum appears to be awfully undefended in his current position. Excellent! That will make a worthy trophy!

You sneak up to the lion without making a sound. You stand over the fat lion, who is still lying down on his back, and... biteoffhisballsack! WOOH! You run away with lion balls dangling from your mouth! The fat lion's roars fade away in the distance. You are welcomed as a hero into a new clan. Hurray!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Girl Time
You're not the only female in your clan. There are many others! You are having some girl time with some of the other girls. What do you do?
[Be dominant, tell them what to do!]
[Be submissive. Go with the flow.]
[Laugh maniacally!]
Dominatrix
Before they realise what's going on you're starting to dominate the fuck out of them! You order the bitches around like you own the damn place! You bite some of the lower females in the ass just for the heck of it. Actually, you consider all of them as lower females!


Fuck yeah, you're earning your place as a dominant female!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Submissive Sissy
You just sit there and let the other girls decide what's gonna happen. They happily ignore you and eventually even start bossing you around.


Damn, being a submissive female sucks...

[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Maniacal Laughter
You burst out in laughter! Almost immediately the other hyenas follow your lead and laughter ensues all around. Some lions from Pride Rock stare at you and and shake their heads dismissively.


You just can't fucking stop laughing! Tears are rolling from your face and you fall on your back. Oh man, life is so damn funny! You and the other hyenas laugh the day away in the sun and have the best of time! Being a hyena is awesome!

[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

2 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Scar's Fall
It would seem that your clan has been aiding a lion called Scar in a plot to overthrow king Mufasa. In a crazy turn of events, his long lost son Simba showed up and you witness Scar being thrown off of Pride Rock. What do you do?
[Eat Scar with your clan]
[Flee]
[Confront Simba]
Eat Scar
So... it would seem that Scar has lost this battle. No matter, it's not like you liked the guy anyway. You jump him with your entire clan as he screams and begs for mercy. You know what? He tastes a lot better than you'd expected!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Flee
Simba is back? And all the lionesses support him? You are OUTTA HERE! Fuck those lions and their political games! You're going back to your den and you're taking your clan with you.


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Simba
You tell your clan to attack Simba, but you get intercepted by a group of lionesses. They rip you all aparts. Man, lions are stronger than hyenas. Who'd have thought?
[Continue]
Three Hyenas
You sit around a bit with two other hyenas called Banzai and Ed. Ed is rolling around and just can't stop laughing... as usual. Banzai seems intent to annoy you.


'Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa!'

How do you respond?
[Attack Banzai]
[Shiver in fear and laugh]
[Maul Ed]

Banzaaaaai
You launch yourself at Banzai and bite his ass! He returns the favor by gnawing at your legs. A comical, blurry fight ensues! You have the best of times! Excellent, very hyena-ish!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Mufasa Mufasa Mufasa
Mufasa! The name alone makes you shives and giggle! 'Mufasamufasamufasa!' Oh man, you can't stop laughing nervously! You roll over the floor and feel cramps in your belly! Oh man, Mufasa is way too mighty and scary! Heeheeheehee! Aww yeah, this is just what a hyena should be doing! Awesome!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Maul Ed
No matter what Banzai is doing, Ed obviously deserves to be mauled. You jump at him and are quickly joined by Banzai, who seems to take neither side in the fight. You end up fighting, laughing and rolling of the floor like a ball of smelly fur! Wooh! Being a hyena is awesome!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Leading The Hunt
You've become a respected member of your clan and have been assigned leadership of a hunting party of 15 other hyenas. What do you order your party to do?
[Attack a sunbathing crocodile]
[Attack a herd of zebra]
[Attack a hippo]
Crocodile
Really? What's so tempting about that damn crocodile? Ah well...


After an intense fight you manage to kill the crocodile. He, however, also managed to kill one hyena and seriously injured several others. And you know what? Crocodile meat ain't all that tasty either. It'll have to do, though...

[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Herd Of Zebra
You patiently follow the herd and continuously order the hunting party to ignore the stallion. After a few kilometers (or slightly less miles) some hyenas managed to wound a female Zebra. The herd leaves and you have enough meat for the entire clan! Well done!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Hungry Hungry Hippo
A hippo, hmm? Well then... it would seem the hippo is in the water. Also, hyenas don't do all that well in water. You attack the hippo with the entire hunting party, but as soon as the hippo eats one of your clan members, the hunting party retreats. Fuck that! Shit ain't worth dying for, bro. We should've gone for some tasty zebra...


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Leading The Hunt
You've become a respected member of your clan and have been assigned leadership of a hunting party of 2 other hyenas. What do you order your party to do?
[Attack a sunbathing crocodile]
[Attack a small young gazelle]
[Attack a running wildebeest]
Crocodile
Yes. Okay. Let's attack the crocodile. I mean, its meat is stringy and it'll probably kill on of us, but why not, right? Right.


Your party attacks the crocodile, who flips around quickly, grabs one of your friends and drags him into the water. No really, well done. They'll let you be leader next time for sure!

[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Young Gazelle
You easily kill the young gazelle as the mother runs away. Unfortunately it doesn't have nearly enough meat on it to feed the hunting party, let alone the other hyenas of the clan. Pity.


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Hunting Party
You gather a hunting party and set out together. You approach a herd of wildebeest and surround it. You all charge in, causing the wildebeest to scatter. You can easily pick off a young wildebeest and your entire party eats well! Not only do you eat well, but you've also gained the respect of your peers!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

3 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Lions!
You're peacefully feeding on a zebra carcass with your clan of 20 when six female lions and a male lion/four female lions come to steal your kill! What do you do?
[Scare them off!]
[Continue eating and ignore them]
[Lions? Let them have the carcass...]
Scare Them Off!
You outnumber the lions 4 to 1, and drive them away from the carcass while the clan eats. Nicely done!


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Scare Them Off!
You try to scare the lions off but they surround you and the male lion is... well, kinda scary! They drive you away and you scamper off in search for new meat.


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Ignore
You ignore the lions but they suddenly attack and drive you away. You scamper off in search for new meat.


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Lions
You leave the carcass for the lions. They are superior, right? Well... there were only four of them, so you could have just scared them away, you big wussy! Ah well, you scamper off in search for new meat.


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Lions
You leave the carcass for the lions and search for a new kill. Within the hour your clan manages to make a new kill and you feast off its corpse.


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Mating
You're a male hyena and it's mating season! There's a female hyena that seems interested in you.


What do you do?
[Impress her with your low growls and hairy chest]
[Impress her with your high growls and lolling tongue]
[Be submissive and beg for sex]

Low Growls, Hairy Chest
You try to impress the female hyena with your low growls and your hairy chest. It doesn't seem to be working whatsoever. She's not interested in you, and you fail to seduce anyone to mate with you...


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

High Growls, Lolling Tongue
You try to impress the female hyena with your high growls and your lolling tongue. It doesn't seem to be working whatsoever. She's not interested in you, and you fail to seduce anyone to mate with you...


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Beg For Sex
You act totally submissive and beg the female for sex. You let her bite you as you roll on the floor and whine. She likes submissive males, and you have some short fun! Awesome


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Mating
You're a female hyena and it's mating season!


What do you do?
[Look for a strong old male]
[Look for an aggressive male]
[Look for a submissive young male]

Strong Old Male
You pick a strong old male, and all the other hyena females laugh at you! Female hyenas like submissive males you idiot!


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Agressive Male
You pick an agressive male, and all the other hyena females laugh at you! Female hyenas like submissive males you idiot! In addition your offspring is also agressive and none of the other hyenas like them.


[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Submissive Young Male
You pick a submissive young male who begs to have sex with you. Nice choice, it's always good to see another hyena who knows that you are in control.


[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Human Reincarnation[edit | edit source]

Reincarnate
You get shot by a human who's on a hunting safari. Sucky, huh?


At least you reincarnate as a human again!

[Continue]

Dead[edit | edit source]

Dead
You seem to have died and your carcass is eaten by your fellow hyenas.


[Continue]

Turtle Event Text[edit | edit source]

0 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Young Turtle
You're a young turtle and you've just hatched from your egg. You crawl towards the sea but soon find yourself on top of a big rock...


What do you do?
[Jump off]
[Take down the long way]
[Take a sunbath]

Jump Off
Time for a leap of faith. You take a clumsy jump and... land on your head. Ouch. You crawl into the sea, but your head hurts.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

On Your Back
Time for a leap of faith. You take a clumsy jump and... land on your back. You slowly die in the hot sun.
[Continue]
Long Way Down
You do the wise thing and find a safe way off the rock. When you're down, you crawl into the big, blue sea.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Sunbath
Ahh, the sun feels good. You close your eyes and enjoy the heat. Time for a little nap!


When you wake up, you're boiling inside your tiny shell. You can't muster the force to crawl away anymore. You die a horrible death in the blistering sun.
[Continue]

Young Turtle
You're a young turtle and you've just hatched from your egg. Crawling to the sea you notice an ominous shadow moving over you...


What do you do?
[Hide under a rock!]
[Sit still]
[Crawl faster!]

Hide Under Rock
You quickly hide under a rock and wait for the Sea Eagle to leave. As soon as he's gone, you crawl into the big blue sea.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Sit Still
You sit still as best you can. After a while the Sea Eagle seems to have gone. Oof, that was too risky! You quickly crawl into the big, blue sea.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Sea Eagle
You crawl as fast as you can. Unfortunately this draws the Sea Eagle's attention! He picks you up from the shore. You get eaten and die.
[Continue]
Crawl Faster
You crawl as fast as you can. Unfortunately this draws the Sea Eagle's attention! He picks you up from the shore. Lucky for you, he accidentally lets you slip and you fall into the big, blue sea.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

1 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Fast Fish
You see some delicious, fast fish! Below you grows some nice, edible seaweed. But meh, why have seaweed when there's delicious fishies!


What do you do?
[Catch some fish]
[Eat the seaweed]
[Go for the big fish with the teeth!]

Fast Fish Is Fast
You chase an especially tasty looking fish. Unfortunately, it's... fast. Too fast. You end up being very hungry that day.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

Nutricious
You decide to leave those damn fast fish be and go for some weed. Yeah dude, that's the stuff! You have a groovy day with a filled belly.
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Shark!
Go for the big fish with the teeth?! What the fuck were you thinking? It's a shark and you've pissed it off! You almost lose a leg, but you get away safely.


Idiot.
[Continue]
You gain 0 karma, so now you have 1 karma.

Slow Fish
You see some delicious, slow fish! Below you grows some nice, edible seaweed. But meh, why have seaweed when there's delicious fishies!


What do you do?
[Catch some fish]
[Eat the seaweed]

Slow Fish Is Slow
Awww yeah! This is the good life! You set your eyes on a particularly fat and juicy one. Ahhh, this totally satisfies your munchies! Way to go, dude!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Tasteless
Urgh, this stuff is horrible! Do turtles even eat this? You don't know, because you're a crappy turtle. Man, why didn't you go for them tasty fishies? Blergh.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 2 karma.

2 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Shaaark!
Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water. A freaking shark! Oh god, oh god! He's got you in his mouth!


What do you do?
[Hide inside shell]
[Swim away]
[Bite shark]

Hide!
Quickly you retract your arms, legs and head. You'll be safe inside your hard shell. After an hour or so the shark gives up. Victory!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Swim Away!
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! What do we do? We swim... swim...


Unfortunately, you're still in the shark's mouth. The shark bites off a leg and you barely survive the attack.
[Continue]
You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Swim Away!
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! What do we do? We swim... swim...


Unfortunately, you're still in the shark's mouth. The shark bites off your head and you die.
[Continue]

Bite The Shark
You... bite the shark. You... honestly? Really? Are you retarded? Fucking hell, man! Anyway...


The shark goes into a frenzy and rips you to pieces. You die a horrible death and yadda yadda. Don't tell me you didn't see that one coming.

Idiot.
[Continue]

The Tortoise And The Hare
An arrogant hare challenges you to a race. You accept! What an asshole.


What do you do?
[Slow and steady]
[Take a sprint]
[Impress the ladies down the road]
[Take a nap]

Slow And Steady
The hare is off to a flying start, but you move along slowly, but steadily. The hare grows overconfident, impresses some cute bunnies, has a threesome, smokes, takes a nap and ends up losing the race. This is a great day for turtles everywhere!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Sprint
You take a sprint and quickly exhaust all your remaining energy. You fall to the floor and lose the race.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Rabbit Ladies
You stop in front of the rabbit ladies and flex a little. The rabbits giggle. Unfortunately, the are laughing at you. One cute, insecure rabbit gives you a pity fuck, but you end up losing the race.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Take A Nap
You see a comfortable tree and decide to take a nap. You lose the race and all the animals make fun of you. How humiliating.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Clownfish
You encounter a stressed out Clownfish.


'Oh no, oh no, oh no! I've lost my son Nemo! Have you seen him around? Oh, please help me out!'
What do you do?
[Go search for his son]
[Tell him to relax]
[Eat him]

Search
You search and you search and you search. Oof, searching is having work. Those were the most exhausting 10 minutes of your life. Urgh, turtles weren't made for this. Time for a nap.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

Duuuude!
'Duuuuude, you need to relax! Chill, man! You can have new babies. Just hook up with a slutty fish somewhere and BAM! Problem solved!'


You then offer the Clownfish to use your 'waterpipe'. Ahhh, this is the life!
[Continue]
You gain 2 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Nom Nom Nom
You eat the Clownfish. Hmmm, he tastes funny. You feel a little weird afterwards, but hey! Problem solved.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 3 karma.

3 Karma Events[edit | edit source]

Time To Lay Eggs
You're a female apparently (don't question the game) and you are ready to lay your eggs.


What do you do?
[Lay eggs on the beach]
[Dig a hole and lay eggs in the hole]
[Lay eggs in the water]
[Build a nest in a tree]

Beach Party
You lay your eggs on the middle of the beach. After a while some humans start playing beach volley and crush all your eggs. That sucks.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Buried Eggs
You bury your eggs in the sand. Ahh, they'll remain safe there. Good job!
[Continue]


You gain 2 karma, so now you have 5 karma.

Eggs In The Water
You lay your eggs in the water. They float away, get eaten, break on rocks on the shore and don't hatch because of the cold. Fail.
[Continue]


You gain 1 karma, so now you have 4 karma.

Tree Nest
You climb into a tree. When you're halfway up you remember that turtles can't climb trees. You fall out and land on your back. You lie there for days until you die of thirst.


Stupid.
[Continue]

Human Reincarnation[edit | edit source]

Reincarnate
You have lived a very long life and die at the age of 117/124/214/221/229/270/196.


You reincarnate as a human!

[Continue]

Dead[edit | edit source]

Dead
You seem to have died and your turtle body is left behind.


[Continue]