Holey Church

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Holey Church is an event that can be reached with the Wildcard: Flavor Events Neutral Effect from the [The Holey Church] option of Wildcard: Flavor Events, the talented Trade Routes event, the Going to: Event Neutral Effect from Scout The Area or Spyglass's [The Holey Church] option, the Eye Of The Graeae event, the Khufu's Journey event, or from the [A card picturing a lot of circles.] option in Cards Of Fate. It can also simply be a random event.

Shop Introduction[edit | edit source]

Holey Church

You stand in front of a church of some kind. Seems like it's some kind of weird order!

'Welcome to the Holey Church, traveler! Are you perhaps interested in one of our holey relics?' says the Holey Priest.

Shop Interface[edit | edit source]

Holey Church
The Holey Priest smiles at you.

'Our holesome holey relics are the best in the land! I holeheartedly advise you to have a look!'
Item Price Description upon purchase
Flowing Ring 8 Rupees 'Let the holey magic flow through you, traveler!'
Ring Of Arcane Vision 5 Rupees 'The holey light reveals everything, traveler!'
Ring Of Earth Attunement 6 Rupees 'If you plan on mining a lot of rocks, consider adding some holes to them, won't you?'
Ring Of Light 8 Rupees 'The holey light shines upon all its children.'
Ring Of Poison Immunity 7 Rupees 'This ring offers holey protection from Poison!'
Ring Of Roll Streak 9 Rupees 'The holey power of this ring grants powerful Roll Streaks!'
Ring Of Speed 11 Rupees 'A real adventurer needs a hole lot of speed!'
Ring Of Spell Deflecting 8 Rupees 'This ring uses holey power to deflect harmful magic!'
Archbishop Clementis' Seal 35 Rupees 'Archbishop Clementis was one of the first holey priests of Dystopia. May the light bless his circular soul...'
Faerie Circle 35 Rupees 'Fairies know the power of circles more than any other mystical creature! Use its holey power wisely, traveler.'
Golden Ring Of King Midas 35 Rupees 'King Midas' story came full circle when he became what he desired most: gold.'
Ring Of Flowers 35 Rupees 'This relic reminds me of the circular dance of the seasons! Gives me the sniffles though!'
Seventh Ring Of Hell 35 Rupees 'Even the seven hells understand the power of rings. Those demons burn, burn, burn in their rings of fire!'
The Demon Jester's Ring 35 Rupees 'This holey relic feels tainted. Are you sure this is what you wanted to buy?'
The Earthwarder's Sigil 35 Rupees 'One of our holiest relics... Our stories speak of the Earthwarder and his strong, earthen, circular body!'
Thorn Of Jumanji 35 Rupees 'This holey relic is linked to the jungle. If you listen closely, you can hear the drums of the circle of life!'
Zento's Lunar Loop 35 Rupees 'The moon is full of holes. As such, this lunar ring is especially holy to us!'
Old Tire 1 Rupee 'God works in mysterious ways. I'm sure he has a purpose for this holey relic...'
Ordinary Ring 1 Rupee 'Our holey symbol: the ring! An excellent choice, traveler!'
Pumpkin 4 Rupees 'Although pumpkins don't come with holes naturally, you can carve them to make them holey! This makes pumpkins holey fruit!'
Scintillating Spellstone 5 Rupees 'Holes are great for putting things in and magic holes are no different. This hole wants to be filled right up with enchantments!'
Donut 6 Rupees 'The holiest of foods... the pink glazed Donut! Mmm... donuts!'
Swiss Cheese 6 Rupees 'This cheese was blessed with many holes! May it help you to become whole again.'
Light Scroll: Wormhole 20 Rupees 'Science may not always be on the side of religion, but at least we're all agreed that wormholes are holey!'
Generic post-purchase quote
The Holey Priest hands you X...'I've got a hole lot more if you're interested! Anything you want?'
Insufficient funds quote
'You don't seem to have enough money to pay for that. Perhaps you have a hole in your pocket?'
Death quote
You seem to have died at the Holey Church... The holey priest digs a hole for your corpse on the holey cemetery.
Leaving quote
You leave the Holey Church.

Notes[edit | edit source]

  • Only 1 Magic Ring and 1 Legendary Ring will be available for purchase per visit. Though initially selected randomly from their respective pools, these items will continue being in the shop for all players on future visits and won't be replaced by another random item from their respective pool until being purchased by a player.
  • If you use a Portable Hole (or are on the same space as another player using their Portable Hole) in the shop, the standard effect of the Portable Hole doesn't apply; instead, your turn moves to the Portable Hole subevent. (This will prevent purchasing items from the Church for the rest of your turn.) Upon continuing, you reach The Holey Cellar; in this subevent, you are shown 4 random items out of a pool including Legendary Rings, Magic Rings, Azure Bracelet, Black Hole In A Box, Donut, Light Scroll: Wormhole, Old Tire, Ordinary Ring, Pumpkin, Scintillating Spellstone, and Swiss Cheese. You can either choose 1 of the 4 items or simply choose to [Continue] to have 1 of the 4 items randomly chosen for you; you receive the item and move 10-19(?) spaces forward.

Event Text[edit | edit source]

  • Upon using/being affected by a Portable Hole in the shop:
Portable Hole

You drop your/PlayerName drops his/her Portable Hole. You fall into the pitch-black hole!

What? You didn't know you were wearing crocs this whole time? Admit it though, you secretly think they look sweet!

You look around you... what the...?

  • Upon continuing from Portable Hole:
The Holey Cellar

Holey crap! You seem to have discovered a way into the Holey Church's secret cellar! This is where they stash all their extra goods. Quickly now, let's choose something to swipe!


So many holes... and all of them goals! Now, which to choose?
  • Upon continuing from The Holey Cellar:
Holey Heist
You think fast and grab X!


You need to hurry, because the holey priests have been alerted to your presence! You discover a small hole-shaped secret exit in the wall! You slide yourself through the surprisingly tight hole, make your escape and move Y spaces forward in the process! Fuck yeah!

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The purchase description for the Donut item is a reference to Homer Simpson's catchphrase, "Mmm..."
  • The purchase description for the Seventh Ring Of Hell is a reference to the Johnny Cash song, "Ring of Fire".