Holey Church is an event that can be reached with the Wildcard: Flavor Events Neutral Effect from the [The Holey Church] option of Wildcard: Flavor Events or from the [A card picturing a lot of circles.] option in Cards Of Fate. It can also simply be a random event.
Shop Introduction[edit | edit source]
You stand in front of a church of some kind. Seems like it's some kind of weird order!
'Welcome to the Holey Church, traveler! Are you perhaps interested in one of our holey relics?' says the Holey Priest.
Shop Interface[edit | edit source]
|The Holey Priest smiles at you.|
'Our holesome holey relics are the best in the land! I holeheartedly advise you to have a look!'
|Item||Price||Description upon purchase|
|Flowing Ring||8 Rupees||'Let the holey magic flow through you, traveler!'|
|Ring Of Arcane Vision||5 Rupees||'The holey light reveals everything, traveler!'|
|Ring Of Earth Attunement||6 Rupees||'If you plan on mining a lot of rocks, consider adding some holes to them, won't you?'|
|Ring Of Light||8 Rupees||'The holey light shines upon all its children.'|
|Ring Of Poison Immunity||7 Rupees||'This ring offers holey protection from Poison!'|
|Ring Of Roll Streak||9 Rupees||'The holey power of this ring grants powerful Roll Streaks!'|
|Ring Of Speed||11 Rupees||'A real adventurer needs a hole lot of speed!'|
|Ring Of Spell Deflecting||8 Rupees||'This ring uses holey power to deflect harmful magic!'|
|Archbishop Clementis' Seal||35 Rupees||'Archbishop Clementis was one of the first holey priests of Dystopia. May the light bless his circular soul...'|
|Faerie Circle||35 Rupees||'Fairies know the power of circles more than any other mystical creature! Use its holey power wisely, traveler.'|
|Golden Ring Of King Midas||35 Rupees||'King Midas' story came full circle when he became what he desired most: gold.'|
|Ring Of Flowers||35 Rupees||'This relic reminds me of the circular dance of the seasons! Gives me the sniffles though!'|
|Seventh Ring Of Hell||35 Rupees||'Even the seven hells understand the power of rings. Those demons burn, burn, burn in their rings of fire!'|
|The Demon Jester's Ring||35 Rupees||'This holey relic feels tainted. Are you sure this is what you wanted to buy?'|
|The Earthwarder's Sigil||35 Rupees||'One of our holiest relics... Our stories speak of the Earthwarder and his strong, earthen, circular body!'|
|Thorn Of Jumanji||35 Rupees||'This holey relic is linked to the jungle. If you listen closely, you can hear the drums of the circle of life!'|
|Zento's Lunar Loop||35 Rupees||'The moon is full of holes. As such, this lunar ring is especially holy to us!'|
|Old Tire||1 Rupee||'God works in mysterious ways. I'm sure he has a purpose for this holey relic...'|
|Ordinary Ring||1 Rupee||'Our holey symbol: the ring! An excellent choice, traveler!'|
|Pumpkin||4 Rupees||'Although pumpkins don't come with holes naturally, you can carve them to make them holey! This makes pumpkins holey fruit!'|
|Scintillating Spellstone||5 Rupees||'Holes are great for putting things in and magic holes are no different. This hole wants to be filled right up with enchantments!'|
|Donut||6 Rupees||'The holiest of foods... the pink glazed Donut! Mmm... donuts!'|
|Swiss Cheese||6 Rupees||'This cheese was blessed with many holes! May it help you to become whole again.'|
|Light Scroll: Wormhole||20 Rupees||'Science may not always be on the side of religion, but at least we're all agreed that wormholes are holey!'|
|Generic post-purchase quote|
|The Holey Priest hands you X...'I've got a hole lot more if you're interested! Anything you want?'|
|Insufficient funds quote|
|'You don't seem to have enough money to pay for that. Perhaps you have a hole in your pocket?'|
|You seem to have died at the Holey Church... The holey priest digs a hole for your corpse on the holey cemetery.|
|You leave the Holey Church.|
Notes[edit | edit source]
- Only 1 Magic Ring and 1 Legendary Ring will be available for purchase per visit. Though initially selected randomly from their respective pools, these items will continue being in the shop for all players on future visits and won't be replaced by another random item from their respective pool until being purchased by a player.
- If you use a Portable Hole (or are on the same space as another player using their Portable Hole) in the shop, the standard effect of the Portable Hole doesn't apply; instead, your turn moves to the Portable Hole subevent. (This will prevent purchasing items from the Church for the rest of your turn.) Upon continuing, you reach The Holey Cellar; in this subevent, you are shown 4 random items out of a pool including Legendary Rings, Magic Rings, Azure Bracelet, Black Hole In A Box, Donut, Light Scroll: Wormhole, Old Tire, Ordinary Ring, Pumpkin, Scintillating Spellstone, and Swiss Cheese. You can either choose 1 of the 4 items or simply choose to [Continue] to have 1 of the 4 items randomly chosen for you; you receive the item and move 10-19(?) spaces forward.
Event Text[edit | edit source]
- Upon using/being affected by a Portable Hole in the shop:
- Upon continuing from Portable Hole:
- Upon continuing from The Holey Cellar:
Holey Heist You think fast and grab X!
You need to hurry, because the holey priests have been alerted to your presence! You discover a small hole-shaped secret exit in the wall! You slide yourself through the surprisingly tight hole, make your escape and move Y spaces forward in the process! Fuck yeah!