Archaeology Dig (flavor text)

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If you're looking for the main page for this event, see Archaeology Dig.

Event Text[edit | edit source]

Bearded Phantom Flavor Texts
Upon using Army Of The Dead vs. Bearded Phantom:
Bearded Minion
You're a Necromancer! You're afraid of no ghost! You use 1 Soul Power to channel your necromantic energies into the bearded phantom.




After a short ritual, the ghostly beard succumbs to your will. Welcome, Beardy... to my army of the dead!

[Continue]

Upon using Army Of The Dead with no soul points vs. Bearded Phantom:

Low On Power
You try to control the bearded phantom with your necromantic powers, but you don't have the 1 Soul Power you need to perform your magic ritual.




Curses!

You didn't manage to get rid of the bearded phantom! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.

[Continue]

Upon using EMP Generator vs. Bearded Phantom:

Ghostly EMP
This may be a long shot, but ghosts consist of spectral waves and your EMP Generator is great at disrupting waves.




You throw it at the bearded phantom and watch as the phantom soaks up the entire EMP burst! The ghostly image begins to stutter and fades back into the ether. Hurray for modern technology!

[Continue]

Upon using Holy Hand Grenade vs. Bearded Phantom:

The Power Of Christ Explodes You
You throw your Holy Hand Grenade at the bearded phantom and take cover.




Naturally you count to exactly 3 and hear a mighty explosion! When you walk back into the room, you see a crater where the phantom used to float. Hmmmm, smells like success!

[Continue]

Upon using a Holy Water vs. Bearded Phantom:

The Power Of Christ Compels You
"Bow before the power of the Lorddddeh, unholy hellspawn!"




You throw your Holy Water over the bearded phantom. The unholy creature fades in a burst of ethereal smoke! Hah, that was too easy!

[Continue]

Upon clicking "I'll get past him!" with 2 removable magic buffs vs. Bearded Phantom:

Magic Offerings
You walk past the bearded phantom. The unholy creature senses a source of magic on you and siphons some of your magic from you. You lose your X and X effects, but the phantom seems satisfied and allows you to enter the next room. You suppose it was worth it!



[Continue]

Upon clicking "I'll get past him!" with no removable magic buffs vs. Bearded Phantom:

Failure
You didn't manage to get rid of the bearded phantom! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.



[Continue]

Upon using Soulstone vs. Bearded Phantom:

Soulstoned
You throw your Soulstone at the bearded phantom.




In a mere flash of a second the phantom gets sucks into the stone, which drops to the ground and shatters to dust. You guess that worked then? You raise your shoulders and stroll into the next room.

[Continue]

Big Golem Flavor Texts
Upon using Camera vs. a Big Golem:
Golem Selfie
You use your Camera to take a blinding selfie with the golem!




You look stunning! (Even with your eyes closed.) The golem cannot enjoy the result, because the flash blinded him. You carefully move past him as he angrily swings his fists around...

[Continue]

Upon using Dark Scroll: Blind vs. a Big Golem:

Darkness
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!

You unleash pure darkness on the big golem.


The creature seems to be completely disoriented and you use the confusion to quickly sneak past him! You should go punch some people who called Blind a useless spell!

[Continue]

Upon using Darkcaller vs. a Big Golem:

Darknesssss
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!


You order your Darkcaller to attack the big golem!


Hellish darkness overwhelms the ancient defender, causing him to swing around at random! You carefully move past him...

[Continue]

Upon using Eclipse vs. a Big Golem:

Eclipse
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!


You use your horrible Doom Walker powers to create a massive swarm of dark spores.


The spores completely block the big golem's vision, allowing you to quickly move past him undetected!

[Continue]

Upon using Egg Launcher vs. a Big Golem

Impressive Egging
You smile at the big golem as you grab your Egg Launcher.




You launch a big egg right in his face! The egg eggsplodes and covers his eyes in thick eggy goo! Eggcelent! It's time for you to legg it before the golem regains his vision! You're eggstatic about your success and walk into the next room!

[Continue]

Upon using Hinder vs. a Big Golem:

Hindered
As a true Saboteur, you don't particularly mind big enemies. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.




You use your sneaky skills to blind the big brute, using the resulting confusion to quickly move to the next room. Success!

[Continue]

Upon using Hinder when not having Blind vs. a Big Golem:

Silly Saboteur
You want to use your Hinder skill to blind the big golem, but you don't have the Blind option active at the moment!




Whoopsee!

You didn't manage to get rid of the big golem! He rushes towards you and crushes you like a bug. Holy crap, that was painful!

[Continue]


Upon using Neuralyzer vs. a Big Golem:

Look Over Here
You grab your Neuralyzer and smile confidently at the big golem!


"Hey, look over here!"


A bright flash blinds the ancient defender. Your smile grows wider.

"You went on a field trip when you saw a big fluffy cave bunny hop around. You got distracted and lost the other kindergarten golems. You're alone, afraid and unsure if miss Alice will ever come back to get you."

You're not sure if that shit even works on a big golem like that, but when you leave the room you could swear you saw the golem sit down and shiver. Yikes! Poor dumb fellow...

[Continue]

Upon using Octopus vs. a Big Golem:

Ink Defense!
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!


You smile at the big golem as you grab your Octopus from your inventory and squish it!


The poor sea creature unleashes a blob of dark ink, covering the big golem's face and most importantly: his eyes. Making good use of the confusion, you move past the big brute!

[Continue]

Upon using a Pi Pie vs. a Big Golem:

Pi To The Face
You smile at the big golem as you grab your Pi Pie. This is gonna be a classic!




You throw it right in his face, completely obscuring his vision! Nice one! It's time for you to run away before the golem regains his vision!

[Continue]

Upon using Sneaky vs. a Big Golem:

Gotta Be Sneaky, Charlie!
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!


You don't need anything to get past this big brute! You're sneaky as fuck! You blend in with your environment, don't make a sound and sneakily sneak past... oh shit! The big brute notices you and takes a swing at you! Your speedy moves help you avoid the incoming danger and you use the chaos to quickly get back into sneak mode. The golem can't find you anymore and you make it to the next room...

[Continue]

Upon using Steady Progression vs. a Big Golem:

Steady Now!
You use your powers over time and space to nullify the big golem's speed with Steady Progression.




The golem heavily relied on his speed advantage and you can now properly outrun him with ease. Well done!

[Continue]

Upon using Tomatoes vs. a Big Golem:

Tomato Time
Before you can do anything, the big golem strikes at you! You avoid his attack by quickly jumping out of harm's way. That was close!


You throw your Tomatoes at the big golem's face!


Tomato juice temporarily blinds the ancient defender, causing him to swing around at random! You carefully move past him...

[Continue]

Chasm Flavor Texts
Upon using a (Fed) Dino Mount vs. a Chasm:
Super Sacrifice
You jump off your (Fed) Dino Mount in mid-air and aim for a stalagmite at the other side of the chasm!




You made it to the other side! Meanwhile, your (Fed) Dino Mount falls into the endless abyss. You're... not a responsible pet owner. But hey, you land on space X!

[Continue]

Upon successfully using a Hookshot vs. a Chasm:

Hookshot Hero
You grab your Hookshot and aim for some rocks at the other side of the chasm!




You shoot, pull and reach the other side like a fucking champ! Hell yeah!

[Continue]

Upon unsuccessfully using a Hookshot vs. a Chasm:

Miscalculated Hookshot
You grab your Hookshot and aim for some rocks at the other side of the chasm!




You shoot and jump, you didn't end up on the other side! You trip, bump your head and fall down the chasm. Ouch, you got incapacitated! / but the other side is more than 12 spaces away and it fails horribly! You fall to your death!

[Continue]

Upon successfully using a Lasso vs. a Chasm:

Yeeeeehaw!
You swing your Lasso over your head and aim for a stalagmite at the other side of the chasm!




You throw, pull and reach the other side like some kind of cowgirl on steroids! Yeeeehaw! You land on space X.

[Continue]

Upon unsuccessfully using a Lasso vs. a Chasm:

Miscalculated Lasso
You swing your Lasso over your head and aim for a stalagmite at the other side of the chasm!




You throw it and jump, but the other side is more than 20 spaces away and it fails horribly! You fall to your death!

[Continue]

Upon using Magic Broom vs. a Chasm:

Success
You're trying to cross the Chasm and you can see the other side! You float X spaces forward on your Magic Broom and... you land on space Y!




You did it! You managed to reach the other side of the chasm! You're pretty proud of yourself.

[Continue]

Upon using a Parachute vs. a Chasm:

Success
You're trying to cross the Chasm and you can see the other side! You float X spaces forward with your Parachute and... you land on space Y!




You did it! You managed to reach the other side of the chasm! You're pretty proud of yourself.

[Continue]

Upon using Crow Form vs. a Chasm:

Success
You're trying to cross the Chasm and you can see the other side! You flap X spaces forward in Crow Form and... you land on space Y! Ca-caw!




You did it! You managed to reach the other side of the chasm! You're pretty proud of yourself.

[Continue]

Cursed Gate Flavor Texts
Upon using a Dark Scroll: Spellsteal vs. a Cursed Gate:
Decursed Gate
You grab your Dark Scroll: Spellsteal and cast Spellsteal on the cursed gate.




Its cursed magic is immediately nullified! You safely step through the gate and continue your quest for artifacts!

[Continue]

Upon using a Death Preventing Item vs. a Cursed Gate:

Death Defied
You jump through the portal! Its deadly magic kills you outright and your lifeless body falls to the ground on the other side of the portal. But... it's a miracle! You seem to have blocked the death!



A bit of death never stopped you from stealing ancient treasures! Time to carry on! Hah!

[Continue]

Upon using a Dispel Magic vs. a Cursed Gate:

Dispel Success
You Dispel Magic the cursed gate, removing its evil magic!




You safely step through the gate and continue your quest for artifacts!

[Continue]

Upon using Divine Blessing vs. a Cursed Gate:

Divine Blessing
You use Divine Blessing on the cursed gate, removing its evil magic!




You safely step through the gate and continue your quest for artifacts!

[Continue]

Upon using a Light Scroll: Remove Curse vs. a Cursed Gate:

Decursed Gate
You grab your Light Scroll: Remove Curse and cast Remove Curse on the cursed gate.




Its cursed magic is immediately nullified! You safely step through the gate and continue your quest for artifacts!

[Continue]

Upon using Spell Deflecting vs. a Cursed Gate:

Spell Deflecting
You jump through the portal! Its cursed magic tries to affect you, but is deflected by your Spell Deflecting! Oof, you got lucky!



You continue like a champ!

[Continue]

Upon using a Spell Reflect Effect vs. a Cursed Gate:

Spell Reflect
You jump through the portal! Its cursed magic tries to affect you, but is reflected by your Spell Reflect! The gate rumbles and cracks, then becomes inactive.



You continue like a champ!

[Continue]

Upon using a Spell Shield Effect vs. a Cursed Gate:

Spell Shield
You jump through the portal! Its cursed magic tries to affect you, but is absorbed by your Spell Shield! The magic crystallizes in front of you.


[MagicCrystalImage]

You take the Magic Crystal and continue like a champ!

[Continue]

Damaged Construct Flavor Texts
Generic Damaged Construct Interaction
Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your X.



'...Part identified: X. Collecting parts. ...'

Upon using ACME Magnet vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your ACME Magnet.




'...Part identified: ACME Magnet. Aligning magnet.'

Upon using ACME Pogo-Stick vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your ACME Pogo-Stick.




'...Part identified: ACME Pogo-Stick. Improving bounce safety parameters.'

Upon using Amethyst Lightsaber vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Amethyst Lightsaber.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Amethyst Lightsaber. Updating force protocols. ...'

Upon using Battery vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Battery.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Battery. Refueling energy cells. ...'

Upon using Bazooka vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Bazooka.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Bazooka. Configuring long range missiles. ...'

Upon using Betazoid Conductor vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Betazoid Conductor.




'...Part identified: Betazoid Conductor. Scanning alien technology. ...'

Upon using Bling Bot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Bling Bot.




'...Part identified: Bling Bot. Assimilating external AI.'

Upon using Bottle Of Nanogenes vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Bottle Of Nanogenes.




'...Part identified: Bottle Of Nanogenes. Repurposing nano-technology.'

Upon using Brain Massager vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Brain Massager.




'...Part identified: Brain Massager. Deconstructing biological intelligence enhancer.'

Upon using Brain Transplanter vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Brain Transplanter.




'...Part identified: Brain Transplanter. Fine-tuning surgical brain remover.'

Upon using Butter Bot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Butter Bot.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Butter Bot. Downloading purpose files. ...'

Upon using Buttplug Launcher vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Buttplug Launcher.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Buttplug Launcher. Integrating sexual missile launchers. ...'

Upon using Camera vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Camera.




'...Part identified: Camera. Improving visual sensor array.'

Upon using Chainsaw vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Chainsaw.




'...Part identified: Chainsaw. Enhancing murder arsenal. ...'

Upon using Clock vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Clock.




'...Part identified: Clock. Overclocking processor. ...'

Upon using Clonegg 5000 vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Clonegg 5000/Primed Clonegg 5000.


/

'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Clonegg 5000. Initializing clone army protocols. ...'

Upon using Cognition Amplifier vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Cognition Amplifier.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Cognition Amplifier. Improving self-learning algorithms. ...'

Upon using Concentrated Dark Matter vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Concentrated Dark Matter.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Concentrated Dark Matter. Filling fuel reserves. ...'

Upon using Courier Flap vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Courier Flap..




'...Part identified: Courier Flap. Expanding storage unit.'

Upon using Defective Turret vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Defective Turret..




'...Part identified: Defective Turret. Repairing faulty turret.'

Upon using Defibrillator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Defibrillator.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Defibrillator. Charging electro-stimulators." '

Upon using Deluminator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your (Charged) Deluminator.


/

'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: (Charged) Deluminator. Extracting delumination technology." '

Upon using Double-Barreled Shotgun vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Double-Barreled Shotgun.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Double-Barreled Shotgun. Improving self-defense protocols by 200%."'

Upon using Duel Dissk Of Sick Burns vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Duel Dissk Of Sick Burns.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Duel Dissk Of Sick Burns. Improving sickness factor of afterburners." '

Upon using Easy Button vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Easy Button.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Easy Button. Removing unnecessary complexity."'

Upon using Egg Launcher vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Egg Launcher.




'...Part identified: Egg Launcher. Installing ornithological trajectory library. ...'

Upon using EMP Generator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Pacifying Pulse
A mechanical guard? Tooooo easy! You grab your EMP Generator!




You throw it at the metallic foe! It releases a powerful electromagnetic pulse which seems to be completely absorbed by the construct. The robotic creature instantly turns off. You kick it over on your way to the next room. Silly robot.

Upon using Extendo Fist vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Extendo Fist.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Extendo Fist. Improving arsenal diversity. ...'

Upon using Fishlock vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Fishlock.




'...Part identified: Flintlock. Integrating aquatic corsair arsenal.'

Upon using Flamethrower vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Flamethrower.




'...Part identified: Flamethrower. Initializing localized heat dispensers.'

Upon using Flintlock vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Flintlock.




'...Part identified: Flintlock. Integrating corsair arsenal.'

Upon using Fridge Bot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Fridge Bot.




'...Part identified: Fridge Bot. Upgrading cooling systems. ...'

Upon using Freeze Ray vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Freeze Ray.




'...Part identified: Freeze Ray. Enhancing cooling systems. ...'

Upon using Frost Mine vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Frost Mine.




'...Part identified: Frost Mine. Boosting cooling systems. ...'

Upon using Frost Mine Activator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Frost Mine Activator.




'...Part identified: Frost Mine Activator. Enhancing cooling controls. ...'

Upon using Fursfield Generator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Fursfield Generator.




'...Part identified: Fursfield Generator. Collecting parts. ...'

Upon using Gallifreyan Time Watch vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Gallifreyan Time Watch.




'...Part identified: Gallifreyan Time Watch. Rewriting timey wimey protocols. ...'

Upon using Genesis Device vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Genesis Device.




'...Part identified: Genesis Device. Analyzing alien technology. ...'

Upon using Glitch Glock vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Glitch Glock.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Glitch Glock. Expanding transformation array. ...'

Upon using Glue Mine vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Glue Mine/ Glue Mine Activator.


/

'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Glue Mine (Activator). Extracting adhesive components. ...'

Upon using Go-Kart vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Go-Kart.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Go-Kart. Improving mobility features.. ...'

Upon using Green Lightsaber vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Green Lightsaber.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Green Lightsaber. Updating force protocols. ...'

Upon using Gun vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Gun.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Gun. Integrating projectile discharger. ...'

Upon using Hand Buzzer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Hand Buzzer.




'...Part identified: Hand Buzzer. Enhancing close combat arsenal.'

Upon using Hookshot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Hookshot.




'...Part identified: Hookshot. Attaching grappling hook launcher.'

Upon using ICE-Bot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your ICE-Bot.




'...Part identified: ICE-Bot. Configuring cooling apparatus.'

Upon using Immortality Field Generator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Immortality Field Generator.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Immortality Field Generator. Reconfiguring reconstruction field." '

Upon using Improbability Device vs. a Damaged Construct:

Improbable Input
You hand the ancient construct your Improbability Device. Well... here goes nothing!




'"Bzzt. Part acquisition successful. Installing hardware... Warning: unexpected parameters! Abort! Abort!"'

The construct shakes and sizzles, then turns into...



...a Pixie! Errrr. Okay. That was pretty good, I guess!

Upon using Improbaglitchity Device/Activated Improbaglitchity Device vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Improbaglitchity Device/Activated Improbaglitchity Device.


/

'...Part identified: (Activated) Improbaglitchity Device. Seeding RNG functions.'

Upon using Jackhammer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Jackhammer.




'...Part identified: Jackhammer. Upgrading obstruction removers.'

Upon using Jewel Juicer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Jewel Juicer.




'...Part identified: Jewel Juicer. Integrating crystal processor into power core.'

Upon using Jewelizer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Jewelizer.




'...Part identified: Jewelizer. Analyzing matter reconstruction unit.'

Upon using Lean Mean Caffeine Machine vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Lean Mean Caffeine Machine.




'...Part identified: Lean Mean Caffeine Machine. Powering up beverage dispensers.'

Upon using Lightning Rod vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Liquid Nitrogen.




'...Part identified: Liquid Nitrogen. Injecting coolant into cooling systems..'

Upon using Lightning Rod vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Lightning Rod.




'...Part identified: Lightning Rod. Attaching nullification rod..'

Upon using Lure Module vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Lure Module.




'...Part identified: Lure Module. Adapting biological stimulus functions.'

Upon using Magneto Gloves vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Magneto Gloves.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Magneto Gloves. Upgrading robotic claw."'

Upon using Mecha Egg vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Mecha Egg.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Mecha Egg. Loading mecha-incubators.."'

Upon using Metro-Gnome vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Metro-Gnome.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Metro-Gnome. Initiating maintenance mode."'

Upon using Minigun vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Minigun.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Minigun. Expanding offensive capabilities.."'

Upon using Mystery Mixer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Mystery Mixer.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Mystery Mixer. Assimilating cyborg construction.."'

Upon using Night Vision Goggles vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Neuralyzer.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Neuralyzer. Weaponizing neuron flashers."'

Upon using Night Vision Goggles vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Night Vision Goggles.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Night Vision Goggles. Aligning ocular focal lens."'

Upon using Old Tire vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Old Tire.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Old Tire. Attaching movement enhancer."'

Upon using Party Cooler vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Party Cooler.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Party Cooler. Implementing refrigerator unit. Assessing viability of party libraries. ...'

Upon using Personal Forcefield vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Personal Forcefield.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Personal Forcefield. Loading defensive perimeter. Assessing viability of party libraries. ...'

Upon using Phaser vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Phaser.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Phaser. Charging phaser blocks. ...'

Upon using Pipe Bomb vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Pipe Bomb.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Pipe Bomb. Weaponizing time-based explosives. ...'

Upon using Plumbus vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Plumbus.




'...Part identified: Plumbus. Utilizing essential plumbus technology.'

Upon using Portable Hole vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Portable Hole.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Portable Hole. Calibrating portal technology."'

Upon using Power Gloves vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Power Gloves.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Power Gloves. Upgrading robotic claw." '

Upon using Power Morpher vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Power Morpher.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Power Morpher. Downloading transformation protocols." '

Upon using Quantum Crystallizer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Quantum Crystallizer.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Quantum Crystallizer. Repurposing crystallization units." '

Upon using Radio vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Radio.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Radio. Augmenting communication network. '

Upon using Reset Button vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Reset Button.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Reset Button. Compiling reset protocols. '

Upon using Rocket Boots vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Rocket Boots.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Rocket Boots. Collecting movement enhancers. '

Upon using Sabotage vs. a Damaged Construct:

Ancient Sabotage
Silly construct. You are a master of Sabotage!




'You sneak up to the ancient construct, pretending to install a spare part, whereas actually you're disabling the mechanical guard. It doesn't take you long to fully deactivate it. You whistle while you casually stroll into the next room.

Upon using Sabotage on cooldown vs. a Damaged Construct:

Cooldown
You want to use your Sabotage, but it's on cooldown.




Drat!

You didn't manage to get rid of the ancient construct! He kills you with mechanical efficiency. Fuck, that hurt!

Upon using Scouter vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Scouter.




'...Part identified: Scouter. Upgrading environmental scanners. ...'

Upon using Screw vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Screw.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Screw. Fixing minor damage."'

Upon using Sex Bomb vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Sex Bomb.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Sex Bomb. Desexualizing explosive."'

Upon using Signal Jammer vs. a Damaged Construct:

Ancient Jams
Hmmm. It may be a long shot, but perhaps you can disrupt the construct using your Signal Jammer.




You activate the jammer and the ancient construct instantly starts to malfunction! It shakes, then gets stuck in an infinite loop.

'"Communications protocol failing. Rerouting communications. Failing. Rerouting communications. Failing. Rerouting communications. Failing. Rerouting communications. Failing..." "'

Upon using Slipstream Slingshot/ Activated Slipstream Slingshot vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Slipstream Slingshot/ Activated Slipstream Slingshot.


/

'...Part identified: Slipstream Slingshot. Integrating slipstream technology into power core. ...'

Upon using Sniper Rifle vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Sniper Rifle.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Sniper Rifle. Integrating long-range assassination module. ...'

Upon using Solar Panel vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Solar Panel.




'...Part identified: Solar Panel. Boosting power collectors.'

Upon using Soldering Torch vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Soldering Torch.




'...Part identified: Soldering Torch. Merging vital components.'

Upon using Sonic Shotgun vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Sonic Shotgun.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Sonic Shotgun. Equipping sonic defense system."'

Upon using Space Fluctuator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Space Capacitator.




'...Part identified: Space Capacitator. Draining capacitor energies.'

Upon using Space Fluctuator vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Space Fluctuator.




'...Part identified: Space Fluctuator. Irradiating flux capacitor'

Upon using Spanner vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Spanner.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Spanner. Fixing major damage ...'

Upon using Sphere Of Annihilation vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Sphere Of Annihilation.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Sphere Of Annihilation. Configuring last resort protocols."'

Upon using Spider Mine vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Spider Mine.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Spider Mine. Configuring spider extremities."'

Upon using Spork vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Spork.




'...Part identified: Spork. Integrating food processing tech.'

Upon using Teleporter vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Teleporter/Teleporter Activator.


/

'...Part identified: Teleporter(Activator). Compiling teleporter module.'

Upon using Time Travel Condom vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Time Travel Condom.




'...Part identified: Time Travel Condom. Extracting technical components.'

Upon using Time Turner vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Time Turner.




'...Part identified: Time Turner. Scanning temporal spinners.'

Upon using Tinkering Quietly vs. a Damaged Construct:

Tinkering Quietly
YYou use your Tinkering Quietly to very carefully and silently change some settings on the construct.



'"Maintenance initiated. Estimated time left: 2 hours, 55 minutes, 12 seconds." .'

Upon using Tractor Beam vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Tractor Beam.




'...Part identified: Tractor Beam. Extracting tractor unit.'

Upon using Tractor Gloves vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Tractor Gloves.




'...Part identified: Tractor Gloves. Upgrading robotic claw.'

Upon using Unstable Warp Plasm vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Unstable Warp Plasm.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Unstable Warp Plasm. Rerouting main energy feeds."'

Upon using Vendroid vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Vendroid.




'...Part identified: Vendroid. Implementing trade algorithms. ...'

Upon using Weather Balloon vs. a Damaged Construct:

Spare Parts
You hand the ancient construct your Weather Balloon.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Weather Balloon. Calibrating meteorological processors. ...'

Dark Passage Flavor Texts
Upon Not Having Vision In the Dark Passage:
Dark Passage



It's dark! You have... no vision. I... can't really comprehend this. Why would you choose this encounter if you had no way to see in the dark? Why would you even... I mean... come on!

...

Okay... Let's do this. You walk into the fucking pitch black room and you trip over something deadly and you fucking die. End of this event. GOD!

[Continue]

Upon Successfully Escaping the Dark Passage:

Successful Escape



You quickly choose an exit and run for your life when you hear ominous sounds behind you! You get the feeling that sharp claws barely miss you on your way out, but as soon as you reach the light you see no horrible monsters. Oof...

[Continue]

Upon choosing the 8 Legged Creature Option In the Dark Passage:

Wrong Exit



You look around for a safe exit and soon your eye catches a neat hole in the ground with a huge spider in it. For a moment you get the feeling like the 8-legged creature is beckoning you to come over. What a friend!

Alas, is there no one in this world you can trust anymore? Your arachnid friend turns out to be little more than a cunning predator. As it eats you, you cannot help but contemplate your people skills, or well... spider skills? You die, but decide to be more careful around spiders in the future.

[Continue]

Upon choosing the Green Goo Option In the Dark Passage:

Wrong Exit



You climb up to a hole from which green goo is dripping. Surely that must be one of the safe exits! You climb up and slide down a hole! Wheeeeeee! This goo is fun!

Oh, fucksticks! How could you have guessed that the green goo belonged to some kind of terrible subterranean cave monster? Oh, cruel world! The unfairness of it all! Although you dissolve in the goo, your senses seem to have gone numb, making it a terrifyingly enjoyable experience. After having dissolved completely, you reach the conclusion that you have died.

[Continue]

Upon choosing the Spearheads Option In the Dark Passage:

Wrong Exit



You climb up to a hole in the ceiling covered in sharp, spear-like rocks. Those things really help you to climb up! What a clever adventurer you are!

Oh, no! Who could've known that the spear-like rocks were actual spearheads, part of an ancient trap? Well, maybe someone could've known, but not you! You die a pretty painful death when the spears pierce your soft mortal body. You die.

[Continue]

Upon choosing the Teeth-like Object Option In the Dark Passage:

Wrong Exit



You enter a hole that's covered in teeth-like objects. Surely this must be a safe exit! Right?

It may come as a surprise to you, but the teeth-like object were actually teeth. You climbed into the mouth of a horrible ancient flesh-eating Ripper Worm. True to its name, it rips your flesh apart and devours you whole. You cease to live right around the moment your body is torn apart. Rest in pieces.

[Continue]

Demon Eye Flavor Texts
Upon using Bee Hive vs. a Demon Eye:
EVERYONE GETS BEES!
You grab your Bee Hive and throw it at the demon eye!




Bees fucking hate being thrown and they hate eyes even more! The angry swarm of bees stings the eye repeatedly. It tries to flee by frantically bumping into walls and quickly flies out of sight. Meanwhile, you whistle a happy tune and casually walk into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Bow vs. a Demon Eye:

Pointy Arrows
You grab your Bow and aim for the demon eye's... eye.




You shoot and hit it right in the... god dammit... in the eye!

Bullseye!

Hehe.

You're pretty happy with your nice shot and your above average pun. You smile as you walk into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Broken Glass vs. a Demon Eye:

Broken Glass
You grab your Broken Glass and giggle.




Hah, people called you mad for carrying this around! Who's the crazy one now, world?! You scream as you throw the shards into the demon eye's.... eye. The eye can't really roar in pain, but you're pretty sure it hurts like hell. The demon flies away and you can move on to the next room!

[Continue]


Upon using Chainsaw vs. a Demon Eye:

Chainsaw Pokey
You grab your Chainsaw with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. No need to waste any gas even! If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You take your chainsaw with you, but leave Mr Eyeball behind in agony. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Combustible Lemon vs. a Demon Eye:

Combustible Lemon Juice
You grab your Combustible Lemon and cackle maniacally.




What could be a better way to counter a huge floating eye than with incredibly sour lemon juice? Wait... this lemon is combustible. Is that a problem? Heck, it might even be better! You throw the lemon at the demon, which explodes on impact! Though not capable of properly expressing its pain, you're certain that the demon eye is in absolute agony right now. You have a smile on your face as you enter the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Crabs vs. a Demon Eye:

Pinchy Pinchy
You grab your Crabs with a smirk on your face.




The crabs run all over the demon eye's... eyeball, pinching it everywhere. Not surprisingly, the demon doesn't like to be pinched in the eye and starts frantically bumping into everything it sees to get rid of the crabs. You deem this a worthy moment to sneak into the next room. Have fun, Mr Eyeball!

[Continue]

Upon using Cutlass vs. a Demon Eye:

Cutlass Pokey
You grab your Cutlass with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Ayyyyeball behind, who frantically flies around, bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Dark Spell: Laser vs. a Demon Eye:

Laser Surgery
You unleash a powerful Laser!




It would seem that the demon eye is incredibly sensitive to the powerful laser. Oh crap! Didn't people tell you not to shine laser pointers directly at people's eyes?! You quickly move into the next room before you get a lawsuit on your hands!

[Continue]

Upon using Dark Spell: Scare vs. a Demon Eye:

Scare Tactics
You unleash your Scare magic on the demon eye!




The poor demon was nervous and twitchy already and is absolutely terrified! It shits a brick and zooms away! That went pretty damn well! You casually stroll into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Demon Sword vs. a Demon Eye:

Demonic Infighting
You grab your Demon Sword with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Eyeball behind, who frantically flies around, bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Eye Of The Dragon vs. a Demon Eye:

The Dragon's Eye
You grab your Eye Of The Dragon and hold it up!




The demon eye stares into the powerful relic and suddenly starts to wobble frantically! After a few seconds it explodes!

Man, whatever just happened... it was pretty effective! Huzzah!

[Continue]

Upon using Fear vs. a Demon Eye:

Hisssssss!
You act like a true Incubus and strike Fear into the Demon eye!




The demon is so twitchy and nervous that it is incredibly frightened by your sudden scariness. It quickly floats away!

Heh, if he weren't so purple you'd call him yellow!

[Continue]

Upon using Feign Death vs. a Demon Eye:

Looks Dead To Me
You put up a show and use Feign Death to drop dead to the floor!




As much as the demon eye would love to attack you, it simply cannot be bothered to attack a corpse. As soon as it has left the room, you jump back up and continue into the next room! Marvelous performance!

[Continue]

Upon using Hypno Glasses vs. a Demon Eye:

Hypnotism
You put on your Hypno Glasses and stare at the demon.




The demon eye makes eye contact with you. (It's the only form of contact it knows.) Your powerful hypnotic gaze is working! You order the floating eye to do 20 push-ups. Struggling with this impossible task, it allows you to safely move into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Hypnotoad vs. a Demon Eye:

Hypnotism
You grab your Hypnotoad with a smirk on your face. Ooh, that's slippery!




The demon eye makes eye contact with the toad. (It's the only form of contact it knows.) Its powerful hypnotic gaze is working! You order the floating eye to do 20 push-ups. Struggling with this impossible task, it allows you to safely move into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Katana vs. a Demon Eye:

Katana Pokey
You grab your Katana with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Eyeball-San behind, who frantically flies around, bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Lemon vs. a Demon Eye:

Lemon Juice
You grab your Lemon and cackle maniacally.




What could be a better way to counter a huge floating eye than with incredibly sour lemon juice? You squeeze the lemon and squirt the biting liquid in the demon eye's... eye. Tears roll from the demon eye's... god dammit... its eye! You use this moment to enter the next room. Success!

[Continue]

Upon using Light Spell: Focus vs. a Demon Eye:

Extreme Focus
You unleash the Focus spell on the demon eye.




Compelled by the magic, it cannot do anything but focus on a single spot! This makes it incredibly easy for you to move out of its field of vision and enter the next room. Bye bye, eye!

[Continue]

Upon using Lilith's Staff vs. a Demon Eye:

Lilith's Pokey
You grab your Lilith's Staff with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You take your staff with you, but leave Mr Eyeball behind in agony. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Mirror Shield vs. a Demon Eye:

Scary Reflection
You hold up your Mirror Shield.




The demon is absolutely scared shitless by the sight of its own reflection. It makes a few nervous, twitchy movements and then floats away without looking back. What a big scaredypants!

[Continue]

Upon using Night Vision Goggles vs. a Demon Eye:

You grab your Night Vision Goggles.
You grab your Night Vision Goggles and put them on the Demon eye.




The demon eye happily floats towards you and seems incredibly interested in your goggles. You decide that it wouldn't be a bad exchange to leave your goggles behind if that means you can enter the next room of the Archaeology Dig. Awwww, you made Mr Eyeball so very, very happy. :3

[Continue]

Upon using Pose Master's Mirror vs. a Demon Eye:

Scary Reflection
You grab your Pose Master's Mirror.




The demon is absolutely scared shitless by the sight of its own reflection. It makes a few nervous, twitchy movements and then floats away without looking back. What a big scaredypants!

[Continue]

Upon using Reading Glasses vs. a Demon Eye:

Reading 101
You grab your Reading Glasses and put them on the Demon eye.




The demon eye seems absolutely fascinated by everything it sees, floating from rock to rock to inspect it. It's... kind of cute actually. But you have better things to do and casually walk into the next room while the demon eye is distracted.

[Continue]

Upon using Reflective Shades vs. a Demon Eye:

You put on your Reflective Shades and feel sooooo cool.




The demon eye stares into your shades and looks at its own reflection. It seems to have stunned itself! The demon falls to the ground, seemingly unable to move. Seems like you and him... *puts on sunglasses* ...couldn't see eye to eye.

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

[Continue]

Upon using Roar vs. a Demon Eye:

ROARRRRR
You act like a true Barbarian and Roar at the demon eye!




The demon is so twitchy and nervous that it is incredibly intimidated by your display of power. It quickly floats away!

Hah, that was toooooo easy!

[Continue]

Upon using Scary Pumpkin vs. a Demon Eye:

A Scary Sight
You grab your Scary Pumpkin and show it to the demon eye.




The demon eye, who happens to be pretty sensitive to what he sees, seems to be very scared! It flies off and hides behind a rock. You decide to leave the pumpkin behind and use the distraction to enter the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Serrated Shiv vs. a Demon Eye:

Shiv Pokey
You grab your Serrated Shiv and show it to the demon eye.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You take your shiv with you, but leave Mr Eyeball behind in agony. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.



[Continue]

Upon using Skinning Knife vs. a Demon Eye:

Knife Pokey
You grab your Skinning Knife with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Eyeball behind with the knife still stuck in his... eye. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Spork vs. a Demon Eye:

Spork Pokey
You grab your Spork with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You take your spork with you, but leave Mr Eyeball behind in agony. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Sword vs. a Demon Eye:

Sword Pokey
You grab your Sword with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Eyeball behind, who frantically flies around, bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Swordfish vs. a Demon Eye:

Fish Pokey
You grab your Swordfish with a smirk on your face.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Eyeball behind with the fish still stuck in his... eye. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Syringe vs. a Demon Eye:

Needle Pokey
You grab your Syringe.




You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You leave poor Mr Eyeball behind with the syringe still stuck in his... eye. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Upon using Terrifying Pumpkin vs. a Demon Eye:

A Scary Sight
You grab your Terrifying Pumpkin and show it to the demon eye.




The demon eye, who happens to be pretty sensitive to what he sees, seems to be terrified! It flies off and hides behind a rock. You decide to leave the pumpkin behind and use the distraction to enter the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using The Smoking Mirror vs. a Demon Eye:

In The Smoke...
You grab your The Smoking Mirror and hold it up!




The demon eye stares into the swirling mists and looks absolutely horrified! You're not sure what it saw in there, but it sure as hell was effective! The demon zooms away and the way into the next room is clear!

[Continue]

Upon using Torch vs. a Demon Eye:

Eye-Burn
You grab your Torch.




If your life has taught you anything, it's that poking eyes with burning sticks is fun. You're pleased to realize that it might even be useful in this case. You poke the demon eye right in the... eye. A sizzling sound indicates flawless success! The demon eye flies around in panic and you quickly walk into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Wooden Stake/Sanctified Stake vs. a Demon Eye:

Stake Pokey
You grab your Wooden Stake/Sanctified Stake with a smirk on your face.


/

You stab the demon eye in its... eye. If there's one thing that eyes hate, it's being stabbed with pointy objects! You feel pretty clever that you figured that out all by yourself. You're a pretty neat adventurer. You walk into the next room with a proud smile.

You take your stake with you, but leave Mr Eyeball behind in agony. He flies around frantically bumping into everything. Hehehe.

[Continue]

Greedy Goblin Flavor Texts
Upon using Charismatic Smile to the Greedy Goblin:
Enough Stuff
You use your Bard powers to dazzle the goblin! Your sparkling smile was enough to convince him to take two dusty rocks as payment. That devilish charm of yours!




"Ooooh! That's mine now! I'm gonna take such good care of you! Hee hee hee!"

[Continue]

Upon using a Fair Trade to the Greedy Goblin:

Enough Stuff
You use your Merchant powers to establish a Fair Trade. It's incredible, but you end up receiving one of the goblin's items in exchange for a rock on the ground, making him think he made a good deal in the process! You're awesome at this!




"Ooooh! That's mine now! I'm gonna take such good care of you! Hee hee hee!"

Ahh, finally! At least now you can move on into the next room!

[Continue]

Upon using a Improbability Device to the Greedy Goblin:

Transforma-BLOBBO
You hand the greedy goblin your Improbability Device.




Then suddenly... it wobbles and fades out of existence! A sound best described as "BLOBBO" indicates some kind of freak transformation...

You can't see what's going on because of all the smoke and light. It slowly clears and you see...

[What do I see?]

Upon giving a Pixie to the Greedy Goblin:

Sexy Momma!
You hand the greedy goblin your Pixie.




"Holy moly! You're MY kinda girl, baby! Hubba hubba! How about a date, huh? What do you say? Come on!"

For some reason the Pixie seems genuinely interested. You decide not to waste this moment and quietly move past the flirting creatures. All according to plan, I assume?

[Continue]

Upon giving a Thieving Imp to the Greedy Goblin:

Greedy Bastards
You hand the greedy goblin your Thieving Imp.




'Hey, keep your filthy hands off my stuff! I'm warning you! You filthy devilbreed! Get out! No, that's mine! No! Give it back! Raaaahh!'

The goblin seems too concerned about the Thieving Imp trying to steal his possessions to notice you. You use the moment to successfully make your way into the next room! You're a strategic mastermind!

[Continue]

Libido Demon Flavor Texts (NSFW)
Upon using Ball Gag vs. a Libido Demon:
Begging For A Gagging
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Ball Gag gag the sex demon.




The foul phallus moans with pleasure, swells up and explodes! This was your plan all along of course. Time to delve deeper into these tunnels...

Upon using Booby vs. a Libido Demon:

Fondle Fanatic
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Booby and offer it to the sex demon.




The winged cockfiend circles around you, clearly interested in your soft, yet firm Booby. It swoops in and starts fondling your Booby! After a long fondle session, you take your Booby with you and leave the happily sleeping libido demon behind.

Upon using Buttplug Launcher vs. a Libido Demon:

Buttplug Battle
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Buttplug Launcher and shoot it at the sex demon.




You fire a buttplug straight into the wretched willy's... mouth? I guess? It moans with pleasure, swells up and explodes! This was your plan all along of course. Time to delve deeper into these tunnels...

Upon using Chloroform vs. a Libido Demon:

Chloroform
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Chloroform and force the demon to breathe in the fumes.




The demon squirms, but cannot resist the powerful narcotic! Soon after, it falls from the air and falls asleep on the floor. You molest it a little before moving on to the next room.

Upon using Chocolate Salty Balls vs. a Libido Demon:

Put 'Em In Your Mouth And Suck 'Em
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Chocolate Salty Balls and offer it to the sex demon.




The demon cums a little with happiness as it accepts your offer! You sweep the sticky stuff from your forehead as you move into the next room.

Upon using Flask Of Mojo vs. a Libido Demon:

Mojo, Baby!
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Flask Of Mojo and offer it to the sex demon.




The demon cums a little with happiness as it accepts your offer! You sweep the sticky stuff from your forehead as you move into the next room.

Upon using Free Drink vs. a Libido Demon:

Demonic Drink
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Free Drink and offer it to the demon.




A real party animal like the libido demon simply cannot decline a free drink! Soon after, it falls from the air and falls asleep on the floor. You molest it a little before moving on to the next room.

Upon using Fuzzy Cuffs vs. a Libido Demon:

Kinky Cuffs
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Fuzzy Cuffs and cuff the sex demon in one erotic motion.




Thanks to your A-grade cuffs, the fiendish phallus has been utterly disarmed. And it didn't even have arms! You dab like a complete jackass and walk into the next room.

Upon using GHB vs. a Libido Demon:

Demonic Date Rape
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your GHB and stick it in its... mouth.




The demon squirms, but swallows the pill. Soon after, it falls from the air and falls asleep on the floor. You molest it a little before moving on to the next room.

Upon using Holly's Thicc Booty vs. a Libido Demon:

Pound It!
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab Holly's Thicc Booty and hold it over your head!




Despite being well-known for having a glorious butt, the demon seems to have a huge preference for Holly's Thicc Booty! What happens next could only be seen in the most extreme of Hentai scenes! The sounds of heavy pounding fill the caverns as your... or well, Holly's... booty has a good time with mister willy.

After what feels like hours they are finally done. The libido demon seems very sleepy. You pick up the booty, clean it a bit (eww!) and put it back into your inventory. As you move into the next room, you ponder whether this is a story you'll be telling at parties...

Upon using Jinxed Jewel Of Impotence vs. a Libido Demon:

The Power Of Impotence Compels You
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Jinxed Jewel Of Impotence and hold it up in the air.




The wrathful willy shrieks in fear and the jewel resonates! A magical explosion shatters the jewel and the libido demon shrivels up and dies. Damn, baby! That jewel was like kryptonite to that creature! You feel incredibly proud about getting rid of that terrible item and getting deeper into the archaeology dig in the process. Time to carry on!

Upon using "Let It Suck Me" vs. a Libido Demon:

Demonic Rape
You decide to let the libido demon have its wicked way with you. We shan't go into detail, but you can probably imagine the sort of things this huge flying penis could do to you. Your pooper surely isn't spared! Man, you will feel this in the morning!


When the floppy demon is finally satisfied, you're left with the rather unpleasant result of having contracted X and X . I guess that's the price you have to pay to move on to the next room...

Continue

Upon using "Let It Suck Me" as Incubus/Succubus vs. a Libido Demon:

Demonic Rape
The libido demon flies up to you and sniffs your sexy body! It recognizes the smell of an Incubus! It cums a little from the scent alone! Wow... that was an easy encounter.


The libido demon seems satisfied. It allows you to pass into the next room!

Upon using Let It Suck Me while unable to have sex vs. a Libido Demon:

Demonic Failure
The libido demon flies up to you and sniffs your body, but you are unable to have sex. The demon doesn't let you get past him.


You didn't manage to get rid of the libido demon! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.

Upon using Libido Fiend vs. a Libido Demon:

Libidouble The Fun
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Libido Fiend and order it to attack the sex demon.




The two demons wiggle happily and grow... firmer than before. A demonic porn scene enfolds that should not and could not be described here. You close your eyes, peek now and then, and move into the next room!

Upon using Seduction vs. a Libido Demon:

Sensual Seduction
You use your amazing Incubus powers of Seduction on the floppy sex demon! You gently stroke the tip of his... well... his body. Your touch sends quivers down the creature's spineless body.




To keep BGO a safe place for the most sensitive people, we will refrain from going into detail about the scene that soon unfolds. We do this because it might upset some people to tell them about the sensual handjob that you're currently performing on the libido demon, slowly moving on to the next phase where you pleasure it with your tongue and mouth, using your saliva to bring supreme pleasure to the hard, vascular penis demon! We'd likely receive complaints if we were to describe the shower of demonic sperm that rains down, leaving a sticky layer on your face and most of the area around you.

You get infected with [Random STD] and move on to the next room...

Upon using Sex Bomb vs. a Libido Demon:

Sexplosion
You throw your Sex Bomb at the Libido demon!




The sexual explosion that follows causes you both to go into a frenzy of sexual madness! You wake up minutes later next to the sleeping demon. You yawn as you move into the next room.

Upon using Sexy Shoes vs. a Libido Demon:

Sexy Shoes
You pull up your pants and reveal your Sexy Shoes! The libido demon is immediately seduced by your immense level of sexiness!




To keep BGO a safe place for the most sensitive people, we will refrain from going into detail about the scene that soon unfolds. We do this because it might upset some people to tell them about the sensual handjob that you're currently performing on the libido demon, slowly moving on to the next phase where you pleasure it with your tongue and mouth, using your saliva to bring supreme pleasure to the hard, vascular penis demon! We'd likely receive complaints if we were to describe the shower of demonic sperm that rains down, leaving a sticky layer on your face and most of the area around you.

Errr... You move on to the next room? Yes. Quite.

Upon using Slavemaster's Knout vs. a Libido Demon:

Sex Slave
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Slavemaster's Knout and whip the sex demon.




Most creatures don't enjoy being whipped, but the phallic foe seems to experience a weird sort of pleasure whenever you hit it. It cums a little and happily grants you free passage.

Upon using Time Travel Condom vs. a Libido Demon:

Sexy Time Travel
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Time Travel Condom and apply it to the demon in an elegant motion!




The STD-ridden demon squirms and squiggles! The time travel mechanic reacts to the STDs and quickly activates, hurling the sex demon through time! You're not sure where it may have ended up, but at least now you can move into the next room! Wooh!

Upon using V-Card vs. a Libido Demon:

Dropping Your V-Card
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your V-Card and drop it.




The power of your dropped V-Card creates an aura of serenity which the monstrous manhood cannot seem to penetrate. You sacrifice your sacred V-Card, but gain free passage into the next level of the dig.

Upon using Whip vs. a Libido Demon:

BDSM
The libido demon swoops down from above you, aiming for your pooper! With lightning reflexes you grab your Whip and whip the sex demon.




The phallic foe seems to enjoy the kinky sensation from your whipping and cums a little with pleasure! It seems satisfied and allows you free passage. You sweep the sticky stuff from your forehead as you move into the next room.

Generic Filled Pocketball vs. a Libido Demon Interactions:

X, I Choose You!
You grab your Filled Pocket Ball and prepare for an awesome Pocket Battle!




You summon the X to fight for you! The libido demon swoops down from the air and... rapes the X. Errrr... So yeah. It wasn't exactly what you wanted to go for, but a distraction is a distraction. You quickly move to the next room and try not to listen to the muffled screams behind you...

Continue

Rock Obstruction Flavor Texts
Upon using an ACME Rocket vs. a Rock Obstruction:
Boom!
Fuck those lousy ACME contraptions. This item in particular is pure suicide, but you decide to give it a try anyway. You kiss a rock, naming it your favorite in the whole wide world, then place your ACME Rocket on top of it and walk away to a safe distance.




ACME comedy basically dictates that its products should backfire, so it randomly goes off and blows up your pet rock!

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. Poor Mister Rocksworth. May he rest in pieces...

[Continue]

Upon using an ACME TNT vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You fucking love blowing stuff up, but ACME TNT is a bit... deadly.




Ah well, who cares? You place your TNT, run away to a safe distance and detonate it. You hear a huge explosion and dodge a few falling rocks. Yikes!"

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. Explosions! Fuck yeah!

[Continue]

Upon using a Dwarven Mining Pick vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Mining Pick
You start hitting the rocks with your Dwarven Mining Pick.




After 20 minutes of hard work you wiggle yourself through the hole you managed to make. Damn, that was hard work!

[Continue]

Upon using an Explosive Sheep vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You kick your Explosive Sheep and it nervously hops towards the rock obstruction.




The sheep stands still next to the rocks, not quite sure where to go. You decide this is a good moment to blow your sheep to smithereens with your controller!

KABLAMMO!

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. That'll do, sheep. That'll do.

[Continue]

Upon using a Hand Grenade vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You pull the pin from your Hand Grenade and throw it! After a few seconds it explodes and rocks fly everywhere!




When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. Explosions! Fuck yeah!

[Continue]

Upon using a Holy Hand Grenade vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You grab your Holy Hand Grenade and your mind wanders off before you throw it...




Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orang-utans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. That was a righteous explosion!

[Continue]

Upon using a Mining Pick vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Mining Pick
You start hitting the rocks with your Mining Pick.




After 20 minutes of hard work you wiggle yourself through the hole you managed to make. Damn, that was hard work!

[Continue]

Upon using a Pipe Bomb vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You're not too keen on waiting for your Pipe Bomb to explode in your inventory, so you place it next to the rock obstruction.




You know that it normally takes turns for that damn Pipe Bomb to explode, but you know that logic ain't everything in BGO. Let's go!

KABLAMMO!

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. And no more Pipe Bomb to worry about! Sweet!

[Continue]

Upon using a Spider Mine vs. a Rock Obstruction:

Boom!
You release your pet Spider Mine.




You wipe away a single tear as you walk away from the rock obstruction, but nobody is there to see your pain. You press the button when you reach a safe distance.

KABLAMMO!

When the dust settles you see that the way is clear. Your sacrifice won't be in vain, Mister Scuttles!

[Continue]

Upon using The Force vs. a Rock Obstruction:

The Force
What is a mere pile of rocks to a master of The Force?




You channel your jedi powers and knock the rocks out of the way! Booyah!

[Continue]

Small Golem Flavor Texts
Upon using Assassinate vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:
Assassination Attempt
Like a shadow, you pop up behind the small golem and strike him from behind!




You successfully incapacitate him and quickly make your way past him! Fast and efficient! Hah!

[Continue]

Upon using Bear Form: Maul vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Maulin'
This small golem is no match for your powerful bear powers!




You Maul the little shit and watch him collapse to the ground, incapacitated. He should think twice before facing a motherfucking bear in the future! ROAR!

[Continue]

Upon using Blue Turtle Shell vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Blue Turtle Shell
You kick your Blue Turtle Shell in the small golem's direction!




It hits the little fellow right in the head. He spins around and collapses to the ground, incapacitated.

"You're out of the race, buster!"

[Continue]

Upon using Chloroform vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Chloroform
You grab the little golem and push a napkin with Chloroform into his face.




He struggles a bit, but quickly closes his eyes and falls to the ground, incapacitated.

You may or may not have done things to him before you move on to the next room. Let's keep that in the middle. There might be children reading this.

[Continue]

Upon using Collarbound Cat vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Collarbound Cat
You unleash your Collarbound Cat on the small golem!




Your cat messes him up quite badly and the little bugger becomes incapacitated. Well done, mister kitty!

[Continue]

Upon using Cupid's Bow vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

The Power Of Love
You shoot the small golem with your Cupid's Bow.




You hit him right in his pooper! The power of Cupid grants the little bugger an Auto-Resurrection and incapacitates him. You really only care about that fact that he just dropped to the floor and stopped moving, so that you can move into the next room. Laters!

[Continue]

Upon using Darth Revan's Mask vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Force Choke
You use your Darth Revan's Mask and unleash a powerful Force Choke on the small golem!




The little bugger graps its neck in panick. It takes a bit longer than you expected, but after a while he stops moving. That'll teach him to defy the dark side!

[Continue]

Upon using a Defibrillator vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Defibrillated
You grab your Defibrillator and charge it.




You unleash a massive shock when you place the Defibrillator on the golem's chest. The little guy falls onto the ground, smoldering a bit. You know what? Doctors are pretty awesome.

[Continue]

Upon using a Extendo Fist vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Extendo Punch
You grab your Extendo Fist and launch a boxing glove right into the small golem's face!




BAM! Right in the kisser! The small golem is K.O., allowing you to continue your quest for artifacts!

[Continue]

Upon using a Free Drink vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Free Drink
You take your Free Drink and smile at the small golem.



'"Hey, you look thirsty. Been guarding these ruins for a long time, am I right? Here, this drink's on me!"'
The golem accepts your generous offer and drinks. Moments later he starts to shake and yawn. Then he falls to the floor,
incapacitated.
You may or may not have done things to him before you move on to the next room. Let's keep that in the middle. There might be children reading this.

[Continue]

Upon using Green Turtle Shell vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Green Turtle Shell
You kick your Green Turtle Shell in the small golem's direction!




It hits the little fellow right in the head. He spins around and collapses to the ground, incapacitated.

"You're out of the race, buster!"

[Continue]

Upon using Hammer Of Justice (Hammer version) vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Hammer Of Justice?
You cast Hammer Of Justice on the small golem.




You throw your Hammer at the little guy, but... it's not holy! No incapacitation means no success. Poor planning, pally!

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.

[Continue]

Upon using Hammer Of Justice (Holy Hammer version) vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Hammer Of Justice!
You grab your Holy Hammer and swing it around with the force of the heavens before releasing it.




It smashes into the small golem's skull with a deafening blow! The little fellow falls to the ground, incapacitated. Hah, that's what you get for standing in my way!

[Continue]

Upon using Magic Star vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Magic Star
You consume your Magic Star and feel the power flowing through your body!




You simply walk through the small golem and giggle as he falls to the floor, incapacitated!

[Continue]

Upon using One-Trick Pony vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

That's A Good Trick
You order your One-Trick Pony to kick the small golem.




She kicks him into the wall and knocks him out cold. Sweet!

[Continue]

Upon using Pegasus Boots vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

For Zelda!
You stomp the ground a few times with your Pegasus Boots and charge at the small golem.




You slam into him, knocking him into the wall and incapacitating him. Nice work!

[Continue]

Upon using a Phaser set to Stun vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Set Phasers To Stun
You shoot your Phaser at the small golem.




It is currently set on the Stun setting. Your shot incapacitates the small golem and allows you to walk past him! Take that, little guy!

[Continue]

Upon using Red Turtle Shell vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Red Turtle Shell
You kick your Red Turtle Shell in the small golem's direction!




It hits the little fellow right in the head. He spins around and collapses to the ground, incapacitated.

"You're out of the race, buster!"

[Continue]

Upon using Seduction vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Seduction
Ancient golem creature or not, he surely cannot resist your charms.




You move your hips, make some sexy motions and stroke his cheeks in slow motion. Want a piece of this?

It's an hour later when you put your clothes back on and look at the incapacitated little bugger. Is that a smile on his face? Hah, probably. I'd say this was a fair trade.

[Continue]

Upon using Sex Bomb vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

Sexplosion
You throw your Sex Bomb at the small golem!




The sexual explosion that follows causes you both to go into a frenzy of sexual madness! You wake up minutes later next to the sleeping golem. You yawn as you move into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon having Star Power when selecting [I don't have any items to attack him!] vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

It's-A Me!
Hah, you don't need any items to take care of this little fellow! You simply run through him and incapacitate him with your Star Power!




Woo-hee!

[Continue]

Upon using THIS IS SPARTA! vs. a Lv 3 Small Golem:

THIS IS SPARTA!
You walk up to the small golem and feel your surroundings change inside your head.




Who does this... messenger... think he is? Making threats like these right in your face? In your city? He will pay for his insolence and that of his warlord.

"This is madness!" he says.

You quickly turn to the small golem who looks at you as if you're completely deranged. Fuck the little fucker!

"THIS! IS! SPARTA!"



[Continue]

Upon using a Bear Boots vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Bear Witness To My Power!
You crush the small golem with your Bear Boots.




It feels pretty good to crush the little bugger beneath your furry feet, so you enjoy the moment and do a little bear dance. Roar roar roar!

[Continue]

Upon using a Bear Hands vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

With My Bear Hands
You strangle the small golem with your Bear Hands.




Though the little sucker probably died from being strangled, you wonder if perhaps he just couldn't bear to listen to these puns anymore. Roar!

[Continue]

Upon using a Cutlass vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Swordfighting!
You grab your Cutlass and swing at the small golem! Defend yourself, landlubber!




An epic battle unfolds, but it quickly shows that the golem wasn't prepared for an opponent willing to use lethal force. You strike the little fellow down with a powerful blow to the chest. He falls down and closes his eyes.

Yer treasure will soon be mine, matey!

[Continue]

Upon using a Dark Scroll: Death vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Avada Kedavra
You unleash your dark magic upon the poor golem.




A green flash fills the room. The next instant, the lifeless body of this golem falls to the ground. While you walk past him, you wonder if this will reduce your chances to get into Gryffindor. Ah well...

[Continue]

Upon using a Dark Scroll: Polymorph vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Polymorph
You unleash your transformative powers on the golem guard!




He quickly changes into...

a pigeon!/a dog!

You're not really sure whether this counts as incapacitating or killing the golem, but it sure as hell is effective! A job well done!

[Continue]

Upon using a Diss Card: Death vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Death
You unleash your Diss Card: Death on the small golem.




Plain and simple: the rules of the game tell the little bugger to die. And he's a sucker for rules, let me tell you! He lies down and dies like a good little golem.

[Continue]

Upon using an Explosive Sheep vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Boom!
You throw your Explosive Sheep at the small golem.




He just stands there a bit, sharing a moment of awkward silence with Mr Sheeply. You detonate your sheep using your trusty remote.

The explosion kills him outright! Very effective!

[Continue]

Upon using a Flintlock/Fishlock vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

I'll Blow Ye Down!
You grab your Flintlock/Fishlock and shoot the golem in the chest!


/

He falls down like a real landlubber. Not even strong enough to withstand a single bullet! Yarrrr, 'tis a sad sight, matey!

[Continue]

Upon using a Gun vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Hasta La Vista
You shoot the small golem with your Gun.




It's not terribly heroic.

It's not quite in the spirit of Indiana Jones.

It's not climactic.

It is effective.

[Continue]

Upon using a Hand Grenade vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Boom!
You throw your Hand Grenade at the small golem.




You throw your Hand Grenade at the small golem.

[Continue]

Upon using a Katana vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Swordfighting!
You grab your Katana and swing at the small golem!




An epic battle unfolds, but it quickly shows that the golem wasn't prepared for an opponent willing to use lethal force. You pierce the little fellow's heart. He falls down and closes his eyes.

Rest well, golem-san.

[Continue]

Upon using a Lightsaber with Low Energy vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Energy Low
You swing your Red Lightsaber at the small golem, but it turns out it is low on power.




Your swing is completely ineffective...

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.

[Continue]

Upon using a Minigun vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Ratatat-tat!
You grab your Minigun and spray the small golem with bullets!




He falls over and appears to be lifeless. He also has more holes in his body than before. Seems like good old firearms work pretty well against subterranean guardians! Who'd've thunk?

[Continue]

Upon using Pacman vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Get In Mah Belly
When Pacman originally started his adventures, I'm sure he couldn't have foreseen the horrors that would come to pass in his name.




The small golem doesn't make much sound, but his eyes scream for him. You eat the poor fellow alive. You're a monster. A horrible, horrible monster!

You won the fight tho! Hurray!

[Continue]

Upon using a Pacman while Unable To Eat Or Drink vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Unable To Eat Or Drink
You want to use your Pacman skill to eat the small golem, but you are Unable To Eat Or Drink!




Whoopsee!

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.

[Continue]

Upon using a Phaser set to Kill with Enough Energy vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Set Phasers To Kill
You shoot your Phaser at the small golem.




It is currently set on the Kill setting. Your shot kills the small golem and allows you to walk past him! Take that, little guy!

[Continue]

Upon using a Phaser set to Kill with Low Energy vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Energy Low
You shoot your Phaser at the small golem.




It is currently set on the Kill setting, but it's low on energy! God dammit...

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! He smacks you and you die. Turns out the little guy packs quite the punch!

[Continue]

Upon using a Phaser set to Stun vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Should've Set It To Kill!
You shoot your Phaser at the small golem.




It is currently set on the Stun setting! Your shot hits the small golem, but he is too strong to be incapacitated! God dammit...

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! He smacks you and you die. Turns out the little guy packs quite the punch!

[Continue]

Upon using Pyroblast vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Let The Motherfucker Burn
You charge up your insanely powerful Pyroblast and aim at the small golem.




The poor bastard explodes and burns horribly! It feels like overkill, but at the same time you enjoy it oh so much! You warm your butt a little standing next to the cosy fire of the burning body parts before you walk into the next room.

[Continue]

Upon using Pyroblast with not enough mana vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Not Enough Mana
You want to use your Pyroblast skill to kill the small golem, but you don't have enough Mana!




Whoopsee

You didn't manage to get rid of the small golem! You try to leave, but get lost in the tunnels of the Archaeology Dig. After a few hours you manage to find the exit but pass out, incapacitated.



[Continue]

Upon using a Spider Mine vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Boom!
You throw your Spider Mine at the unsuspecting golem.




He raises his hammer as he eyes the metal construct with suspicion. Mister Scuttles digs himself a nice hole in the ground next to the small golem and a flashing light indicates that it's been properly deployed. You detonate your faithful spider from a safe distance.

When the smoke clears, you see a crater with some pieces of the golem spread across the room. Ahhh... this is what success looks like!

[Continue]

Upon using a Sword vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Swordfighting!
You grab your Sword and swing at the small golem!




An epic battle unfolds, but it quickly shows that the golem wasn't prepared for an opponent willing to use lethal force. You strike the little fellow down with a powerful blow to the chest. He falls down and closes his eyes.

Take that, bitch!

[Continue]

Upon using a Swordfish vs. a Lv 4 Small Golem:

Swordfighting!
You grab your Swordfish and swing at the small golem!




An epic battle unfolds, but it quickly shows that the golem wasn't prepared for an opponent willing to use lethal force. You strike the little fellow down with a powerful blow to the chest. He falls down and closes his eyes.

Take that, bitch!

[Continue]

Starving Monster Flavor Texts
Generic ending message upon feeding the Hungry Monster enough food:
OM NOM NOM
He seems to be satisfied for the moment. You don't hesitate and walk past him into the next room!
[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Albino Bunny/Knitted Bunny:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Albino Bunny/Knitted Bunny and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Miss Fuzzy gives one last squeal before the monster's teeth crush her. What have you done?!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Angel Doll:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Angel Doll and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Angela the Angel Doll... You don't know if you imagined it, but it seemed like a single tear came out of her left eye as she got torn apart...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Bacon Pancakes:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Bacon Pancakes and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He absolutely loves your Bacon Pancakes and looks very happy!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Banana:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Banana and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to know that you're not supposed to eat the peel...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Banana Fish:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Banana Fish and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He seems to enjoy the fishy banana flavor!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Bee Hive:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Bee Hive and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster seems to enjoy the honey, but the bee stings make him queasy and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Birthday Cake:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Delicious Birthday Cake and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He absolutely loves your cake! He looks very, very happy!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Blue Dragon Egg:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Blue Dragon Egg and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Its powerful jaws crack the rock-hard shell easily!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Blue Dragonling:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Blue Dragonling and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The poor dragonling screams before it dies...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Booby:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Booby and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Bobby the Booby... (Secret reveal: he was a MAN all along!) All he wanted was to be fondled...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Bowl Of Cereal:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Bowl Of Cereal and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He gulps up the entire bowl. He seems to really like it!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Box Of Chocolates:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Box Of Chocolates and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Your box contains 3 food items! He absolutely loves your chocolates!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Butter:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Butter and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He gobbles it all up like some kind of horrible fat chick! Disgusting!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Butter Fly:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Butter Fly and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Marge the Butter Fly... Her life was short, but delicious...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Candy Cane:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Candy Cane and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. It's not a big meal, but he enjoys it. Unfortunately he doesn't realize that he's supposed to lick and / or suck it.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Cat/CollarBound Cat:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Cat/Collarbound Cat and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Poor Mister Mittens claws at the monster's tongue, but the monster gulps him up!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Caterpillar:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Caterpillar and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Cathrine the Caterpillar... She'll never find out what kind of beautiful butterfly she'd have become...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Cereal Box:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Cereal Box and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He eats the entire Cereal Box. Oh no! He forgot to take out the toy. :(

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chameleon/Hidden Chameleon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chameleon/Hidden Chameleon and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Mister Hidey tries to change colors, but that won't save him today. The monster devours him whole!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chicken/Festive Chicken:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chicken/Festive Chicken and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Poor Miss Clucky...

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chikapu:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chikapu and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Chikapu looks kinda dumb as he gets eaten. Nothing new there!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chocolate Easter Bunny Of Doom:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chocolate Easter Bunny Of Doom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind the horribly cursed chocolate and gulps it down!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Chocolate Salty Balls:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chocolate Salty Balls and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Suddenly, the effects of the balls kick in and the monster starts to shake. After a few seconds he looks... confident? Sexier? You're not sure. The monster seems to have lost all interest in food and waddles away, probably looking for a another monster to get freaky with.

That was weird, but effective. You shrug and move on.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chocolate Surprise Egg that counts as 1 food item:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chocolate Surprise Egg and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He bites through the chocolate! Inside there appears to be an ACME Magnet/ACME Pogo Stick. The monster doesn't seem to mind and eats it anyway.

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Chocolate Surprise Egg that counts as 2 food items:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Chocolate Surprise Egg and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He bites through the chocolate! Inside there appears to be an Explosive Sheep. The sheep is crushed between the monster's teeth and explodes! The monster looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Cockatiel/Magic Cockatiel:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Cockatiel/Magic Cockatiel and feed it to the starving monster.


//

He chews and drools a little. Poor Adrian Beaky... Colorful feathers fly around as the monster bites him to pieces.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Coconut:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Coconut and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He shatters the rock-hard coconut with ease!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Cocoon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Cocoon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Cathrine the Cocoon... She'll never find out what kind of beautiful butterfly she'd have become...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Conjurer's Cookbook:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Delicious Conjurer's Cookbook and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He must be really hungry if he's eating a damn cookbook!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Corn:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Corn and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. It's pretty corny, but the monster loves it to bits!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Courier Flap:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Courier Flap and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The Courier Flap has reached his final destination.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Cow:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Cow and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He seems extremely satisfied with your fat cow!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Crabs:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Crabs and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind how the Crabs try to pinch its mouth.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Creepy Candy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Creepy Candy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Spiders come crawling out as he munches the candy. Ewww...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Crocodile:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Crocodile and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Croc never got around to saving all the Gobbos...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a D-Bug:

OM NOM NOM
You take your D-Bug and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feel very little pity for the bug. Always messing with your precious items! He glitches a final time before he gets grinded to a fine pulp. Process terminated.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Doge:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Doge and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Teh doge was eated. Such noms. Very yum. Wow.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Donut:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Donut and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He eats it whole, including the hole!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Doom Doge:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Doom Doge and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Doge. Much horror, very doom. You suppose it probably didn't taste great. The monster seems to like it just fine tho.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Dys Action Figure:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Dys Action Figure and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Dys the Dev... Devoured by his own creation. Such is the irony of life!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Dys & Downie Tag Team:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Dys & Downie Tag Team/Tag Team: Dys/Tag Team: Downie and feed it to the starving monster.


//

He chews and drools a little. He chews and drools a little. Dys & Downie! One team, one task, twice the taste!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Explosive Sheep:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Explosive Sheep and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Suddenly the sheep explodes, which really upsets the monster's stomach! He looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Fireflies:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fireflies and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster devours all the Fireflies in one gulp! The poor bugs still glow faintly through the skin of the monster's belly...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fish:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fish and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He seems to enjoy a good old fish!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fizzgig:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fizzgig and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Fizzgig the Fizzgig... He died before anyone bothered to give him a proper name...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fluffy Glibbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fluffy Glibbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Glibbo #2. He only wanted to make friends at all costs. His expression remains eerily blank as he gets grinded to a fine pulp.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fluffy Gobbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fluffy Gobbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Flobbo the Gobbo... He was so happy to have a friend. If only it'd been a less hungry one...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Freakachu:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Freakachu and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Freakachu is a sizzling snack, but a snack all the same.



[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Free Shavacadoo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Free Shavacadoo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Whether or not avocado's a superfood or not, the monster's eating that shit! Some lovely free shovacadoo!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster French Fries:

OM NOM NOM
You take your French Fries and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The fries are very tasty and filling. The monster seems extremely pleased!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fridge Fairy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fridge Fairy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Frida the Fridge Fairy... Turns out in the end you really are what you eat. The monster loves her to bits!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Frigid Fairy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Frigid Fairy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Frosty the Frigid Fairy... All she ever wanted was to play in the snow. Now she's making snow angels in heaven...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Furry Glibbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Furry Glibbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Glibbo #1. He only wanted to make friends at all costs. His expression remains eerily blank as he gets grinded to a fine pulp.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Furry Gobbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Furry Gobbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Bobbo the Gobbo... He was so happy to have a friend. If only it'd been a less hungry one...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fuzzy Glibbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fuzzy Glibbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Glizzo #3. He only wanted to make friends at all costs. His expression remains eerily blank as he gets grinded to a fine pulp.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Fuzzy Gobbo:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Fuzzy Gobbo and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Zobbo the Gobbo... He was so happy to have a friend. If only it'd been a less hungry one...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Gnome:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Gnome and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor David the Gnome... At least he died doing what he loved: feeding hungry creatures...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Goat:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Goat and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Taylor Swift! She was such a good goat. :(

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Gobbo King:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Gobbo King and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor King Rufus... The hungry monster had no mercy for no king...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Grapes:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Grapes and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Those grapes don't seem so infinite now... The monster gulped them all up!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Green Dragon Egg:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Green Dragon Egg and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Its powerful jaws crack the rock-hard shell easily!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Green Dragonling:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Green Dragonling and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The poor dragonling screams before it dies...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Green Mushroom:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Green Mushroom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The mushroom gives the creature a green glow. Huh, you wonder what that could mean. The monster seems... stronger!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Hamburger:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Hamburger and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He freaking growls as he eats it. Damn, that's one tasty motherfucker!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Heart Of The BGO Slut:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Heart Of The BGO Slut and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster devours the beating, slutty heart in one bite. Now all he needs is a brain and some courage!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Holly's Thicc Booty:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Holly's Thicc Booty and feed it to the starving monster.




'He chews and drools a little. Woah! Look at that monster eating ass! He's eating dat ass like a champ! Yeahhhh boyyyyyyy!!!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Homing Pigeon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Homing Pigeon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor City Face the Pigeon... He always knew his way home, but he never knew his final destination. :(

[Continue]

Ueeding the Starving Monster Hot Potato:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Hot Potato and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You nearly burn your hands, but the monster doesn't seem to mind the heat!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Human Brain:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Human Brain and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Oh god... This better not make him smarter!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Ice Cream:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Ice Cream and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind that it's cold, as he gobbles it all up!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Interdimensional Fart:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Interdimensional Fart and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Fart... All he wanted to do was conquer the universe to create a paradise of Interdimensional Farts...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster 3 Jalapenos:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Jalapenos and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 3 Jalapenos! That's damn spicy!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster 3 portions of Ketchup:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Ketchup and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 3 portions of Ketchup! Damn tasty!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Lemon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Lemon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. His face turns a bit weird, probably because the Lemon is so sour. He doesn't spit it out, though!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Lollipop:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Lollipop and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. It's not a big meal, but he enjoys it. Unfortunately he doesn't realize that he's supposed to lick and / or suck it.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Lucky Cricket:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Lucky Cricket and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Cri-kee the Cricket... He brought luck to others, but luck wasn't on his side in the end. :(

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster 4 Lumpias:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Lumpias and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 4 Lumpias! That's damn tasty!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Lumpy Space Candy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Lumpy Space Candy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The weird candy doesn't really seem to affect the monster.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Magic Carrot:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Magic Carrot and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Its eyes start to glow a little! Spooky...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster 3 Magic Mushrooms:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Magic Mushrooms and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 3 Magic Mushrooms! Friendship may be magic, but magic is tasty!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Mooshroom:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Mooshroom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Beef AND Mushrooms? Holy crap, now that sounds like a solid meal! The monster loves it!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Mystery Meal:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Mystery Meal and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Damn, that monster sure as hell isn't picky! It noms the nasty looking meal whole!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Mystery Mixer:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Mystery Mixer and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Damn, that monster sure as hell isn't picky! It noms the mixer whole!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Niffler:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Niffler and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster swallows the poor little niffler whole! You wonder if the monster's filled with treasure now...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a 3 portions of Nutritious Mold:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Nutritious Mold and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 3 portions of Nutritious Mold! Very nutritious!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Octopus:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Octopus and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Some ink drips from the corner of his mouth. Eww...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a One-Trick-Pony:

OM NOM NOM
You take your One-Trick-Pony and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Penny the Pony... Turns out she knew one more trick after all. 9.3 out of 10 for getting devoured so elegantly!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Owl/Arcane Owl:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Owl/Arcane Owl and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Poor Hedwig the Owl... For a moment the monster thought it'd been accepted into Hogwarts, but it turned out to be nothing but a feathery snack.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Peace Dove:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Peace Dove and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The poor peaceful creature gets crushed between the monster's mighty teeth and is crushed to a pulp.

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pet Bear:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pet Bear and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Gruffles the bear...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pi Pie:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pi Pie and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You wonder if the monster has any understanding of the significance of the Pi Pie. Alas, he probably doesn't really care about math.

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Piggy Bank:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Piggy Bank and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor mister Grumpy Truffles. He shatters into shards of bacon...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Piranha:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Piranha and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind how the piranha tries to bite his tongue and crushes the fish between his teeth.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pixie:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pixie and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Your Pixie panics and accidentally casts Nature's Blessing, conjuring a Banana and a Carrot! The monster eats them both and is incredibly satisfied!

He seems to be satisfied for the moment. You don't hesitate and walk past him into the next room!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster 8 slices of Pizza:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pizza and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You feed the monster 8 slices of Pizza! Damn, that's tasty!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Platypus:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Platypus and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Where's Platypus? Oh, right in the monster's mouth, getting ripped to shreds. Well... Curse you, hungry monster?

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Plumbus:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Plumbus and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Plumbuses make good monster food. Well, you guess so? The monster seems to eat it whole!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Plush Downie/Specter Downie:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Plush Downie/Heroic Plush Downie/Empowered Heroic Plush Downie/Specter Downie and feed it to the starving monster.


///

He chews and drools a little. Poor Downie the Donator... No amount of generosity could save him now...

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Poison:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Poison and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pomegranate:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pomegranate and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He noms the Pomegranate whole! Noms noms!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pomegranate Seeds:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pomegranate Seeds and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He noms all the Pomegranate Seeds! Noms noms!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Popcorn:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Popcorn and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. You remind yourself never to take this monster with you to the movies.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Potato:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Potato and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Who doesn't like a good old potato? Yummy!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pufferfish:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pufferfish and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Unfortunately for the monster he is not immune to the deadly Pufferfish Poison. He begins to sweat, drool and tremble. Within seconds, he collapses and dies.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Pumpkin:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Pumpkin and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He squishes the pumpkin easily with its strong jaws!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Raccoon/Doom Raccoon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Raccoon/DoomRaccoon and feed it to the starving monster.


/

He chews and drools a little. Mister Bitey claws at the monster's tongue, but to no avail. He gets crushed in between the monster's mighty jaws.

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Rat:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Rat and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Rizzo the Rat... He was such a wisecracker, but in the end all that was cracking were his bones...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Rattlesnake:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Rattlesnake and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Raven:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Raven and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Raphael the Raven... it's pretty racist to say that in the end, he tasted like chicken. But he did.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Red Dragon Egg:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Red Dragon Egg and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Its powerful jaws crack the rock-hard shell easily!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Red Meat:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Red Meat and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He rips the meat apart! Guess he likes it raw.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Red Mushroom:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Red Mushroom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The mushroom makes the monster grow bigger, making him even hungrier! God, now he wants even more food! You regret your decision to feed him your Red Mushroom.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Rhinoceroach:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Rhinoceroach and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Rhinnox, Fiend of the Magi, Rhinoceroach supreme... All he wanted was to charge up his magically enhanced scales and kill mortals...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Rooster:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Rooster and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Alan-a-Dale the Rooster. In the end he was no more than a snack that tasted like chicken...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Salmon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Salmon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Oh, he sure likes this fish! He makes a growling noise which you assume means he's happy!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Salsamander:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Salsamander and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Sally the Salsamander... She was always looking for ways to spice up her life, but only ended up spicing up the lives of others...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Sauerkraut:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Sauerkraut and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind the sauerkraut's bitter taste.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Sauerkraut Mit Bratwurst:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Sauerkraut Mit Bratwurst and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He seems to really like this! BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT! EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Scarab:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Scarab and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Arab the Scarab. His adventures in your backpack were short-lived.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Shroom Of Doom:

Dooooooooooooom!
You take your Shroom Of Doom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Uh oh... the shroom turns the monster into a terrible Doom Monster! Oh my god... he looks HORRIBLE! He roars and blows spore clouds from its nostrils! He grabs you with a mouldy tentacle and devours you brutally! You die an absolutely horrible death inside the monster's mouth.

Afterwards you kinda regret your decision to feed the monster your Shroom Of Doom. In retrospect, it seems a bit silly, right?

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Smurf Shroom:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Smurf Shroom and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. A screaming smurf tries to escape from its shroom, but unfortunately gets grinded into a blue pulp. Whoops? The good news is that the monster liked it twice as much!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Snake Stew:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Snake Stew and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Everyone loves a good Snake Stew. The monster seems to love it!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Spice Weasel:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Spice Weasel and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Ron Weasely. At least he died being Delicious...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Sprig Of Celery:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Sprig Of Celery and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. It's not a big meal, but he enjoys it.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Squirrel:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Squirrel and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Sandy the Squirrel. She'll never dig up nuts again...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Stonetusk Boar:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Stonetusk Boar and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Boris the Stonetusk Boar... In the end he wasn't in charge of his own fate...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Strawberry Cake:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Strawberry Cake and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He really loves your cake and looks quite happy.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Swiss Cheese:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Swiss Cheese and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He eats the cheese whole. Including the holes!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Swordfish:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Swordfish and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to mind how the swordfish tries to cut off his tongue and crushes the fish between his teeth.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Szechuan Sauce:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Szechuan Sauce and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Fuck yeah! The monster loves this goddamn Mulan Szechuan Sauce! It's *burp* amazing, Morty!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Tasty Tongue Piercing:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Delicious Tasty Tongue Piercing and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The piercing sticks to the monster's tongue. He seems extremely pleased! Yum yum!

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Tasty Treats:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Tasty Treats and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Every creature loves these treats! The monster looks very happy!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Thieving Imp:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Thieving Imp and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster hardly seems to mind that the imp is trying to steal its tongue and crushes it between its teeth.

[Continue]


Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Three-Eyed Fish:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Three-Eyed Fish and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Three-Eyed Raven:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Three-Eyed Raven and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The Three-Eyed Raven doesn't need your pity. It foresaw this future and was at peace with it.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Tomatoes:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Tomatoes and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Tomatoes don't fill up all that well...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Tooth Fairy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Tooth Fairy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Tabitha the Tooth Fairy... All she wanted to do was devour skulls and bones. Such a gentle soul...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Tree Frog:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Tree Frog and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He looks extremely queasy and starts to make low growling sounds. You seem to have made him nauseous and less hungry as a result!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Trickster Fairy:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Trickster Fairy and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Tony the Trickster Fairy... Wait, what am I saying? The guy was an asshole! You thoroughly enjoy watching him get shredded to pieces between the monster's teeth.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Turkey:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Turkey and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The poor turkey gobbles madly before it gets crushed between the monster's teeth...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Ugly Duckling:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Ugly Duckling and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Poor Swanny the Ugly Duckling. He'll never know what kind of bird he'd have grown up to be.

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Uni-Corn:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Uni-Corn and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The monster burps and moans with pleasure as he devours your Uni-Corn. Friendship may be magic, but getting eaten alive sure isn't!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster an Vial Of Essence:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Vial Of Essence and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. The essence feeds the monster's body and soul, making it doubly effective!

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Wacka Ball:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Wacka Ball and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Uh oh... the Wacka Ball makes the monster even hungrier and stronger than before! He leaps towards you and devours you in one huge bite. You die instantly.

Afterwards you kinda regret your decision to feed the monster your Wacka Ball. In retrospect, it seems a bit silly, right?

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Watermelon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Watermelon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. He doesn't seem to understand you need to spit out the seeds…

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster a Wolf:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Wolf and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Oh jeez! Mister Woofles the Wolf! Seems like the predator became the predatee...

[Continue]

Upon feeding the Starving Monster Woo The Raccoon:

OM NOM NOM
You take your Woo The Raccoon and feed it to the starving monster.




He chews and drools a little. Woo looks at you with total despair in his eyes as the giant creature devours him. He... trusted you. Who's the true monster in this story? You know who it is. You know.

[Continue]

Removed Content[edit | edit source]

Removed Content
Upon using Spider Mine Remote vs. a Damaged Construct:
Spare Parts
You hand the damaged construct your Spider Mine Remote.




'...Part acquisition successful. Part identified: Spider Mine Remote. Updating scuttle movement pattern protocols."'