Masturbation! is an event that can be reached with the Wildcard: Flavor Events Neutral Effect from the [Masturbation!] option of Wildcard: Flavor Events. The Ceiling Cat version of this event can be reached from Creature Encounter! Masturbation! can also simply be a random event.
In the event, you either gain 1 permanent Speed or go back 4 spaces and have a chance to capture Ceiling Cat with your Pocket Ball. (The Ceiling Cat version of this event can't occur if Ceiling Cat is already in a Filled Pocket Ball.) (If you have Jinxed Jewel Of Impotence, the Masturbation! event is replaced by Can't Get No Satisfaction in which you lose 1 permanent Speed.)
Upon capturing Ceiling Cat:
Pocket Ball, GO! You throw your Pocket Ball up at Ceiling Cat! It gets sucked in and the ball keeps wiggling. After a few second it lays still.
Upon encounter with Jinxed Jewel Of Impotence:
Can't Get No Satisfaction You experience underbelly urges! But... you cannot seem to satisfy them. Oh god, the horror! You lose 1 Speed. :(