Masturbation!

You start spanking the monkey. It's only slightly disturbing.

Or

You experience underbelly urges! You start jerking off.

Or

You start riding the pillow.

Or

You start spilling milk.

You feel focused and gain 1 speed.

[Relief!]

Or

You experience underbelly urges! You start fapping. You feel focused and gain 1 speed. [Relief!]

Or

But oh noes!



Ceiling Cat watches you masturbate!

You feel ashamed, pull your pants back up and walk back 4 spaces.

[Shame!]

Results

 * Increases speed by 1 (without Ceiling Cat)