The Wild West

The Wild West can be reached from the [A card picturing buffaloes in a rugged land.] option in Card Of Fate or from Crossroads. It can also simply be a random event.

On the first visit to this event, you begin by choosing Cowboys or Indians; this choice will determine the portion of the Wild West events you can go to for the rest of the entire game and can't be reversed. (You can also simply leave without making a choice, in which case you can choose on a future visit.)

Cowboys
In Cowboy Town, the player can enter the saloon, visit the shop, or challenge a bad guy to a duel.

[Enter the saloon.]
After entering The Saloon, the player has to choose one of the following options:

[Ask the bartender for a drink.]

 * If you've killed/imprisoned 0 or 1 Wild West bad guys, nothing happens.
 * If you have killed/imprisoned exactly 2 bad guys, you have a Random Drink.
 * If you've killed/imprisoned all 3 bad guys, you gain a Potion item.

[Talk to the cowboy.]
You speak to a gay cowboy.
 * If you are a female according to account settings, this event is just flavor.
 * If you are a male in your account settings, he offers to buy you a drink and, if you accept, either you'll be pretty drunk and have sex without being asked OR he'll ask if you want to go upstairs for some sex, to which you can say yes or no.
 * If you don't have males sexually preferred in account settings, having sex with him will make you lose 1 permanent Speed.
 * If you do have males sexually preferred in account settings, you have a chance to either gain 1 permanent Speed or lose 1 permanent Speed upon having sex. (Getting the "had a few too many" vs. the asking scenario appear to have the same chances for +1 and -1 Speed. Also, Mojo and being -cubus have no apparent effect on if you get +1 or -1 Speed. These conclusions are based on testing.)
 * Though he buys you a drink, you don't count as drinking for Dehydration or Cleansing Cup. Also, you don't get the Drunk neutral effect.
 * Saying no results in leaving the event with no change.

[Go to the drunk.]

You can use your (Holy) Hammer to attempt to hit a drunk man to take the item he's holding. If you fail, you Skip A Turn and don't get the item, though this risk can be removed; the Sneaky Buff makes success guaranteed. If successful, the item then revealed and received. The following are confirmed as possible items: ACME Magnet, ACME Piano, ACME Pogo-Stick, ACME Rocket, ACME TNT, Bucket, Cat, Diss Card: Knockback/Death/Ensnare/Speed Exchange, Explosive Sheep, Glue Mine, Hammer, Hand Grenade, Holy Hand Grenade, Holy Water, Hookshot, Hypno Glasses, Lasso, any Magic Crystal, Magic Star, Potion, Shield, Space Capacitator, Teleporter, Time Travel Condom, War Helmet

[Check out the room upstairs.]

You can choose to enter the room Upstairs or not. If you enter, when The Light Switches On..., you see who you had sex with. Most of the outcomes in this subevent are purely flavor, though a few of them can affect gameplay directly:
 * Caffeinated Courtney (Mucho Macho!/What A Seductress! type): You gain Coffee.
 * Frankenstein's Monster (Sick type): You can capture the monster with your Pocket Ball.
 * The World's Ugliest Dog (Sick type): You can capture the dog with your Pocket Ball.

Use your Piano to liven up the place! (requires you to use your ACME Piano)
 * Gain 2-9 Rupees if you don't have a Pet Bear.
 * Gain 10-17 Rupees if you do have a Pet Bear.

[Challenge the local bad guy to a duel.]
In this event, success results in the killing of the bad guy. Failure results in being knocked back 30 spaces if you aren't Bulletproof or having the Skip A Turn status applied to you if you are Bulletproof (or if you fail post-No.) This event is effectively split up into 2 sections: pre-No. skill and post-No. skill.

Pre-No. skill:
 * Guaranteed failure options:
 * any magic item uncharged or charged with a spell besides Death
 * any type of Bow & Arrows
 * (Holy) Hammer
 * Horn
 * Pacman
 * Sword
 * Telling the bad guy [Nope.] regarding drawing a weapon.


 * Guaranteed success options:
 * any magic item charged with Death


 * Chance-based option:
 * Gun

Post-No. skill
 * Guaranteed failure options:
 * Choosing [No idea. Let him beat me up.] regarding what to do now
 * Horn